The Swimming Pool

The building's white fluorescent lights glimmering from parking lot. The locker room filled with the warm moist. The echoing noises. The smell of chlorine.
The door to the pool opens and noise floods out. A happily runs to the segment of his class in the pool.  It is after school and toward the conclusion of a full day. Yet, he is all charged up and energetic still.  He jumps in the water and slides away.
Tons of happy and childish memories swell out of mu tired brain. I am tired tonight but happy to be here with A.
I like this smell.

Fantasy and Pain

With watery eyes she was breathing into her feast, laying her head on her hand, looking down at the table.  When would the tears roll down?  Who would witness?  Who would care?
The cafe was somewhat deserted.  There were two elderly ladies sitting by the window chatting in low voices over their still steaming cups of coffee.  There was a college boy at a middle table with his head buried in his mac book and white earpieces in ears, a half eaten sandwich by his papers, isolated from the world around him.  And a middle-aged guy in a table toward the back, close to where she was sitting, but deep in his papers, sipping his large cup of coffee.  Who would care she thought.
Her mocha was completely cold, steam-less, tasteless.
She had just come here to take refuge from her tiring and endless search.  She needed to just pause.
The night before she was walking around the house.  Searching.  Looking for all the signs.  Repeating all the memories.
The house was quiet except for the low noise of the TV from the other room.
There was no life to keep her excited, there was no talk except all that were in her head.
She sat down on the bed. Closed her eyes and decided to calm herself down.  But with every passing moment, with every deeper breath, a new image would pop up, like "an unexpected song"; then the image would get more clear, with all the details, all the colors, all the smells even; the whole idea got more real ... but with the next breath it become unreachable, painful.
She finally gave up on calm.  Lay down, and thankfully slept.  Dreamed.
She was now sitting in the cafe.  Breathing in her feast.  Deep in her fantasy.  As still as the steam-less mocha in front of her.

The Unknown Element

There is an unknown element in the heart of each second.  Before it arrives there is the mystery of future, after it is passed there is the riddle of the real meaning.
I feel entangled within this unknown element.
I am not aware of what is to come, and I would relive the past if I could.  Not every seconds of it, not even most of the milestones; in fact I would repeat them all.  But there are moments I would like to relive and this time do them differently.
Looking at A growing in front of my eyes pushes the passing of time into my core being.  Just look!
I was thinking today that I have reached the age that I remember my mom at that age too.  Her being before my memory is just an image, but her thirties are pretty clear in my mind.  She was.  And I am.  And one day, if I am to live, I will have her age of today.  Then same applies to A.  It feels strange; unfair even.  I want my mom how she was.
Remorse, reassessment, remembrance; All familiar yet unfamiliar to me; may be I am just missing my mom and dad.  I miss them so dearly tonight.

Reevaluation

Vacation is a time for a pause. A pregnant pause that will start with a break from the daily thoughts and works, then will continue with reassessment of what was passed, and finally will end in plan forward. We are in Pacific Palasedes staying with M's aunt and uncle. It feels like a much needed break and a perfectly timed one right after a few very busy and mind occupying work weeks and before a new work year proceeds after the new goals are set through the global sales meetings. I've got the chance to chat with M's aunt who is a seasoned professional woman. I like talking with her; she is very passionate about her work and life style, even more than I am! And then at many occasions I pause just to reassess where I am spiritually; what my goals are and how I am pursuing it. Work is only one channel to practice it all. Remaining true to who I really am and seeking happiness within and being just and fair and free of judgement; all hard spiritual goals to attain but my aim. I am going to stay true to my values no matter the cost; won't gamble with my opportunities assuming they will always be present. I know I need to slow down and even cease some activities in order to make sure the main ones are completely focused on. I'm looking forward to meeting with friends tomorrow. Two more days of vacation remain; how fun!

The Award Speech

I was granted the Global Product Manager of the Year award last night at the conclusion of our Global Sales Meeting.  Gosh it feels good!

I was told about it an hour before the awards ceremony right before the reception.  I was told that I had to give a speech but I had to exercise brevity; 2 minutes was all the time I got.  

I was giddy and grateful, and a bit nervous.  How many seconds were in two minutes really?  How many words?  Which were the most important things I wanted to remember to say up there?

The night was flowing with all the quick conversations and dinner and talks but I hardly got to really slow down and think.

I had a rather rough week at the whole meeting because of several peripheral stuff happening.  But now I was excited, I knew something really good most didn't know and it was about me!

We had a stand-up comedian right after the dinner who got to announce the awards.  The award ceremony rolled along with Sales awards; people got on the stage and back down but none of them had a speech.  Until we got to the Marketing awards.  And finally, the Global Product Manager of The Year award ... my name on the board.  I was sitting on the furthest chair away from the podium.  So I had to walk the whole room to get up there.  And mind you I was wearing a very long dress I had to lift a bit to be able to walk and maneuvering my way from between people standing and chairs pulled back.  But I made it up there.

There was the President of our division, the Vice President of Marketing, and the Vice President of Sales greeting me up there.  It was a monumental moment in my career life indeed.

I got to the podium after receiving my plaque.  And the count down to 120 seconds started.  I was grateful and honored.  And that is the main thing I could manage saying to all my management and particularly my manager.  I was graciously nervous mainly to observe the brevity order.

Later I got many comments that my speech was sincere, unique, and moving.  Some colleagues even said they could cry hearing it all.

But I reran the whole scene in my head several times after that and thought if I had all the time I needed to talk, I would have delivered more in the below lines:

I am honored to have been granted this award particularly in presence of my senior colleagues who had done a great job in the whole course of the year last year.  I am grateful for the opportunity granted to me two years ago when I was a senior R&D engineer, bored and unmotivated after my beloved project at the time, which I was leading the technical developments of it, got halted.  I was told the next big thing was mine but there was no timeline defined for that.  At the same time a position opened and I thought this was the best time to make the move to marketing as I had planned to do at one point.  I already had my reputation in R&D, and I was OK accepting a demotion if needed to explore the marketing realm now better than when I was a principal R&D engineer.

I went to my interview sessions with nothing but my irrelevant graduate degree in engineering, my extensive product development experience but above all my determination to learn and execute the best I knew I could.

The interview sessions began and I got grilled!  I had never been in any interview before, as technical as they could be, and feel so challenged than how I felt in my marketing position interview!  I know they had their doubts but they decided to take a chance on me and more than that, they were determined to set me up for success.  I was determined to prove them right with their decision.

I started my role not knowing the very simple things like what ADDU was or what D-Chain was which was particularly important in my first assignment which was a backorder management.  Then here I am after less than two year in marketing winning the Global PM of the Year!  It was not possible so efficiently if it were not for all the mentorship I received from those whom they might not even know how impactful their words and comments have been for me.

After my first back order management done successfully in a matter of few months I received many congratulatory emails from senior management and many sales managers for a great job well-done.  There was a particular email though that got engraved in my career soul forever.  It was a congratulatory email from our president, M.P., I responded back thankfully with how I always was willing to do my very best.  Then he responded me again in these lines: always try your very best, and when you think you have, you will find that you have more gears to pull to propel you further than you may imagine!  This was a memorable aspiring advice that sank with my logic so well.

I am thankful for our VP of Marketing, B.R.; he is always occupied but he is never too busy for you, always there for you, and always supportive and having your back.  His whole team exemplifies his great leadership traits that are all very supportive and attentive and trusting.  I had many brief but motivational discussions with J.G. and S.H. for which I am ever grateful.

Then there is my dear K.C. who was a believer in me from day one, I could tell.  She was determined to coach me for success and taught me many aspects of my job; always there to counsel with me when I needed a couple minutes of her time.

And above all, I owe this to the single person who not only believed in me, he helped me see my unique strengths and encouraged me to double down on them; he believed in my strategic abilities way beyond my doubts; my manager G.S. who has been the best mentor and coach I have ever had.

I have worked in many different groups and I know how rare it is to be working for such supporting leaders in our management group.  I am blessed!

Also blessed with the professional peers I am working with.  We complement each other so harmoniously; it is an honor to be working with them.

And finally, my M and A who stood by me and all the life style shifts we had to all go through due to my career change; they were graciously supportive all the time.  I am so grateful and I owe it all to them.

I take responsibility for my results and thank God this is a positive one; I am enjoying this honor and am looking forward to a great year pulling more gears forward.

An Honorary Note for A Product Manager Me

I am amazed at how articulately expressive some people can be!
We had a key opinion leader visit from Japan yesterday.  I had met with the physician one and a half years ago when he was here in Fremont and had collected his input and implemented them in the proposed marketing specifications.  I remember badgering R&D sometimes to push for a requirement here and there, which is the norm now for me, and rather easy to do as a previous R&D; I know what is doable and what is not.
In any case, the meeting commenced and the new concepts were demonstrated.  The physician was really pleased with what he evaluated.  We had some very nice discussions on the side about other products.  He eventually invited me to visit his center and observe some of his cases in the near future.
Note that I had found the Japanese physicians very precise, direct, and rather laconic in expressing their ideas.  And this meeting was no exception.
Then, this morning, I received a very lengthy and rather expressive email from the physician with many congratulatory words and approval notes pertinent to the concept he had evaluated and the discussions we had.  He had even called us part of his team now which I knew meant a great deal.
It was then that I remembered, from my little exposure to Japanese literature and cinema, that how literally expressive Japanese can be despite their seemingly insignificant facial expressions.
It was a fresh note!  And needless to say got me really pleased and happy to read all those encouraging and congratulatory words on this Saturday morning!

Trust

There is a time for growth.  There is a time for idleness.
There is a time for joy.  There is a time for sorrow.
There is a time for love.  There is a time for remorse.  There is a time for ignorance.
There is a time to realize that there is a time for everything.  It is my expectations that makes me inpatient with the time.  There is no guarantee for our expectations.  There may even be no right for such expectations.  The universe is taking its own time.

Materialistic Joy

I got up this morning humming.  When I traced back the reason for this sweet happiness I figured it could be because of what I saw when I opened my eyes: my new black BCBG maxi dress hanging from the door.
I know, it is too materialistic.  But when I told my dear R.N. she analyzed it as just being a girl, a lively fun-loving girl.  May be it is alright to enjoy a piece of clothing, not to need it for enjoyment but then cherish it while you can.
M has bought us a new sound system and an elliptical machine, and he has them installed last week while I was away.  So we have other materialistic additions to the house.  A is for sure experimenting with them a lot, of course I think it is the newness effect too.
Back to my dress, I think I need to shop for a new shrug or jacket as the top now.  Can't wait to wear it ha ha

Focus!

I met with Dr B. again yesterday and then had dinner with him and his colleagues and my colleague.  The discussions were flowing in many different directions, as usually is the case in such venues. It was one memorable discussion that got me thinking.  Dr B. started asking around the table about the duration of college studies.  Then he claimed his I.Q. was low (mind you, he is a neurointernevtionalist, what is above neurosurgery in medicine really?) but he had made up his mind since 4th grade elementary school that that was what he wanted to be.  So he had focused on it! And surely attained it.  And he is not just a neurosurgeon, he is one of the most admired and valued elites in the society.  It really got me contemplate; it is "focus" that makes you get what you want.
The whole evening with many talks flowing by reminded me of another philosophical view that Mr E. had once shared with us.  His main point was that in a gathering when one talks most of the talks the rest of the company wont feel belonging; it is in reciprocating discussion that all would enjoy the chats and company.  I had the chance to observe and examine this view too, which was neat to remember.

Simple Scattered Truth

I met with friends in Toronto, and I learned, again, that how much I miss their presence in my life.  I love them how they are, no matter how they feel, no matter what changes they are going through, I trust them with their choices in their lives and don’t have any judgment reserved for them, I adore them.  And I feel I receive the same from them.  They love me how I am.  Period.  We can pick up conversations from where we left a year ago within a moment.  We can crack a joke so easily and yet shed a tear with each other remembering the remorse in our lives.  We can just have a cup of tea with each other and be.

 ...

I like the Dove chocolates very much, the creamy dark kind particularly, which is wrapped in red foils.  The foils have a saying inside which is fun to read; they can be as lame as “Calories only exist if you count them” to as philosophical as “It’s OK to be fabulous AND flawed!” which is written inside the one I just opened, while flying back to California.  I like the truth in the inevitable philosophy it carries.  Ironically it rhymes with the thoughts I shared in the previous post.  My embodied self is flawed but of course I don't feel proud of it.  Yet may be, may be, somehow, sometimes, it is OK.  After all, perfection is sought after but seemingly unattainable in this life.  May be it helps to focus on fabulous once in a while, for a change.

But, Being A Mom

I am reading “Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child”, by John Gottman.  Reading it slowly but surely.  And this slowness is not only because of my very limited time to read but also because of the time required to digest the material within me.

Last night, when packing for my two-day business trip to Toronto, I packed the booked at the last minute, hesitating, did I want to be criticized and scored and monitored?  Because this was the feeling the first few chapters of the book imposed on me.  I am not perfect.  I make mistakes as a human, and I make mistakes as a mom.  The latter is so very painful to reflect on when I know the harm extends to the loveliest dearest most powerful drive in my being, my own son.  Will I ever be perfect?  For sure not.  It was nice to remember our discussion within my spiritual circle last week, that as long as we are embodied in this life, we are not free of guilt and mistake.  That we take refuge in the love of our Sustainer and ask for forgiveness.  And forgive others as we want to be able to love them the way we want God to love us.  That was a relief!

I read half a chapter at the beginning of this flight, I had to score my awareness of two emotions in me and in others, anger and sadness.  The scores, analyzed by my very limited knowledge of psychology, show that I am fairly aware of “sadness” in me and in others.  However, I am unaware of “anger”.  And I know I do feel angry sometimes particularly with my A.  How ironic!

The author emphasized that kids older than 4 appreciate the meaning of “I am sorry”.  Such a relief!

The other take away from this chapter was how we, as parents, needed to take breathers, to contemplate on our emotional awareness.  And recommends taking share with our spouse to make time for it.  It dawned at me how every lone trip I made during the past few years has been heavily focused on revisiting my acts as a mom while I was left to be all by myself for a few hours for example in a plane ride, and this came to me completely naturally.  I am grateful for such a valuable bi-product in my business trips!

Now back to my book after spending several hours on work emails in between chapters.  Knowing that the book will reveal more weaknesses in me and I want to be brave and face them rather than remain in denial.  Granted, in both cases I will remain the imperfect mom I am.

PS: In the section I started reading, the author make a passage of his experience with his then four-year-old daughter, that he took a play opportunity “… to talk it over, I assured Barbie (and my daughter) that I didn’t mean to scare her and that just because I get angry sometimes doesn’t mean that I don’t love her.”  I thought about this a lot.  I realized that the other night, while my M was away working hard and long, I had to raise my voice after several repeatation to convey a message over to A (no excuse, but I did that).  And within a matter of minute I was back to being calm.  A asked “mom why are you mad?” and I responded calmy “I am not.  I was.  And I love you! J”.  I could see the shock in his eyes.  So someone can raise her voice and then be calm right after?  I guess they can.  Bottom line, it is just human to be a mom J

Looking Back

Standing by the window she was looking outside through the rain.  It was just dawning outside.  She pulled her blanket closer around her bent shoulders.  It ached in her fingers.
She saw her reflection in the window glass.  A few strands of white and grey hair.  Wrinkled eyes.  Pursed lips.  Drooping neck.  She smiled, a bitter smile, and didn't see any sparkle in the reflection of her eyes.
She looked at the clock, 6:58AM, Friday.  Her son may come tomorrow to visit them, or may not.
She poured a cup of French Press coffee with soaked Spanish beans and sat down at the table.  She knew he wouldn't enjoy coffee in the morning, he never did.
The book she was reading last night was still laying there.  She thought to make a trip to the library.  Opened the book and started reading.
The left over coffee went cold.  The fire in the fireplace was too far away to warm her up.  The blanket had slipped off again and she felt her shoulders were freezing.  She reached back and touched one shoulder, bony and wrinkly.  She smiled.  Her shoulders were not touched for ages it felt.  She smiled, a bitter smile.

Sick Day with Movies

Certified Copy (2010)

Directed by Abbas Kiarostami
Starring Jouliette Binoche and William Shimell

A good portion of the movie is showing scenery from a village in Tuscany.  The point of view we observe is sometime thought proviking.  It reminded me of the High School day  when we left the Literature class and watched Under the Olive Trees at Isfahan University with the teacher. We did pay attention to the camera and the scenery and the dialogues.
This movie has amazing dialogues, great plays, and fantastic scenery.
It was a riddle in the end.  The couple seemed to be strangers, the only acquaintance seemed to be the authors book and the lady the fan.  They seem to start getting to know each other, although they seemed comfortable and carefree for a first outing.  The idea behind the book was to praise a copy of an art when the original was praiseworthy.  Then at the middle, the dialogues shifted to a married couples' argues after fifteen years of marriage.  The man feeling exhausted with work and feeling frustrated as his unspoken love was not realized, the woman feeling ignored, unseen, left alone in a married relationship.  One would start to wonder, were they a married couple pretending to get to know each other anew after fifteen years, or they were two strangers pretending being a fifteen-year-old married couple.
I could relate to many of the dialogues.  After all, I am not too far away from being married for fifteen years myself, although I might find myself more suitable for max two years into a relationship.  The scenery was amazing!  And two people, driving and walking and talking reminded me of my favorite of all time, so far, Before Sunset.
I like to watch this movie again.

2 Days in Paris (2007)

Directed by Julie Delpy
Starring Julie Delpy and Adam Goldberg

It was too Julie Delpy may be.  Too similar to her role in Before Sunset.  It was again her with her French intellects, and an American boy friend oblivious to many things around him while concerned with his privacy and ownership.  Sometimes the movie got too far off with discussing liberation I thought.  It was a good movie for a sick day for sure, to pass the time and ease the pain.

A Unique Golden Globes

I had the time blocked on my calendar.  I was excited that after the afternoon birthday party we were invited to there was another nice event to look forward to in this Sunday afternoon.  This was the first time in my movie loving life that there was an Iranian movie nominated for the Golden Globes.
From the fifth minute I felt this excitement inside, would A Separation win the Foreign Language Film I wondered.  More than an hour passed when Madonna introduced the nominees and M was certain they wont won I was certain ... They did win!  I shouted yay!  We were wondering who would have come to collect the Globe and thankfully the writer/director Asghar Farhadi was present.  Also the leading actor Peyman Moadi.  I obviously had nothing to do with the movie, I had just watched it and praised it.  But it was a prideful moment.



We had watched the winning motion picture just this past Friday, The Adventured of Tintin, and all three of us had for the first time enjoyed watching a movie.  Totally fun and exciting enough to keep you along with a five and a half year old happy in the theater room.

The Corner of Life

A corner chair at a Starbucks. This is the closest Starbucks to home, may be 15 minutes walk away. Yet she drove here because she had to take care of other chores before and after. The window by the chair looks at the direction of her house but her eyes are on the alluring hills further away. "I need to buy a swimming cap" she thinks. She takes a mental look at her list: A crockpot cooking book, an all terrains SUV, a cocktail dress, email the first playdate for kinder working moms, visiting a friend in a hospital, finding a new primary care doc, register for a line dancing class, follow up with friends for Friday night dinner, call younger bro. She thinks about the broken faucet & the needed curtain rods. She thinks about the promises of support. She thinks how he wanted to take care of her. How proud he was to introduce her to his new colleagues. She thinks about the last sketch of a man and a woman and two cats and two boys. She thinks she is alone.

Sunday Morning

Feeling good song for Sunday morning.

What I Didn't/Did Miss About Living in America

Didn't:


Boring Night Life:
Unless for the period we were living in downtown Toronto, the night life has been very boring and uniform for me. After getting home after 5PM, and especially now in the dark, it feels like a huge drag to think about leaving the house for a chore at 6PM, or to go to Library, forget about even thinking about going for shopping unless you really really have to!! The town streets are quiet, everybody is at their homes, and all the TVs are on. On the contrary, while back home, I really enjoyed the night life. My mom would leave for her dental office at 6PM to begin with!! Then she would pick me up at 9PM to go have Pizza somewhere with family!! Imagine a kid in a pizzeria after 9PM in U.S.!! Tsk tsk! Then, after all that, she would suggest going to market. Oh I loved it!
Very Sweet Sweets:
I had forgotten how sweet the sweet stuff are in US until yesterday when I took a yummy bite from a chocolate tart. The sugar overpowers the tastes really, even in mocha, unless it is made with care and love of coffee and chocolate.
Even gaz doesn't taste TOO sweet among Iranian sweets after that.
Meal Portions:
Gosh I still feel full from the Fetta Omelet I had this morning. First meal portion I had out of the house since our return on Monday.
Meal portions were not small back home, but they were not this big either.
Cold Houses:
It is cold inside. The house is open from five directions and it is old. Even the office is cold sometime, unless the heater is broken in which case it is HOT.
In Iran houses and apartments can be rather warm actually, sometime too warm.  But usually comfortable.
Indifferent People:
Well, I am not sure if I can make a strong claim here, but many times, in many places, people are indifferent about each other. People just drive or just walk by you or just sit and mind their own business. Even colleagues sometimes, even after coming back from the holidays. Seems like they do not care about you.  They don't even look at you unless they are judging you when your son is whining while walking behind you.
Over there, people are not indifferent.  Sometime they may seem nosy or rude even.  From pedestrians who may throw a comment at your beauty, to the shopkeeper who wants to know why you didn't choose to buy something you decided not to buy, to the family members who ask you if A was going to have another sibling anytime soon, to the driver who chooses to guide the other driver with how to park... People look at each other, they look to find a familiar face, and if they do they pause and say salaam and ask about whomever they know in your family and ask you to say salaam to them too.  If they find you look lost in the market they ask what you needed.  You can ask a total stranger about their experience about the product offerings of a particular shop, and they don't get scared that a stranger is talking to them!  They pause and talk to you in fact, not dismissing you.
Being the Alien:
Needless to say, I feel like the visual and auditory minority almost everywhere.
Needless to say, I do not feel like a minority over there.  As a matter of fact I feel like being from an elite family and living a nice and relatively convenient life.
Driving:
I drive to work, everyday, and drive back home.  I drive to buy milk, I drive to buy a cup of coffee, I drive to take A to his swimming class.  I drive everywhere.  Granted, when the whether is warm and it is only me going to grab a cup of coffee or shop for pizza ingredients from Trade Joe's I sometimes bike.  Otherwise I am usually driving.
Over there people usually drive too, I think they have gotten used to it.  But I walked, a lot.  To go to my sister's place from my dad's, to go shopping for spices, to have a chat with my brother.
Family and Friends:
Needless to say, we are too lonely here sometimes.  I do miss having a bowl of aash at a friends place, or having my afternoon portion of fruit with my mom.  One really feels the love there; many are there who really really love you and miss you and appreciate who you are.

Did:


Driving:
Ironically, I missed driving itself.  I cannot drive over there anymore.  It is too crowded and too chaotic.
My Work:
Needless to say, I really enjoy my work.  I didn't really miss it miss it, but I did look forward to a new year with it.
Disciplining A:
Your child is under too many influences, so is your mind, over there.  It was OK for kids to watch many movies we wouldn't otherwise let A watch.  It was hard to let him realize everything was not always possible as some loved one would make it possible.  It was hard to show him many goods and many bads as they were negated shortly after.
Paying for Goods:
Price of the $ fluctuates and it affects every thing.  Then there is no guarantee about the justness of the price you pay to get something.  You had to bargain on every thing and it is a skill one can forget after a while.
My Friends:
I missed my friends in US, and the circle of my Sufi friends.
My Style:
I can carry my own style in clothing easier here and there.
Clean Air:
You can feel the Oxygen in the air here, it was tough to find over there.
Exercising:
It is way more convenient to exercise here or go for a run.
My Life:
My life is here. I like my life here.

First Watched in 2012

Happy New Year!!!  Now this 2012 is here. Let's pray for the best!!

Footloose(2011)
Finally on board to SFO.  It was a nice trip being away and within.  Only a few minutes of shut eyes.  Time to watch a couple movies and pass the time.  This Footloose was a fun-filled, music-filled, dance-filled movie; now I like to see myself dance a country line dance ha ha ... But seriously, I am a grown up now, for God's sake I am married with a job and I am a mother. What is with these teenage dreams?  May be they are not dreams anymore as much as they are my youth lost in the cave of the passing time. While watching my movie with interruptions, I pause and just watch A, crooked seemingly comfortably in his seat, watching his movies.  I watch his eyes, his nose, his unrolling hair, his now toothless mouth and my heart wells with joy and grace and gratefulness.  I think he is the best thing on this earth, God bless and protect him!

Packing Day

We are departing for THR tomorrow.  It is my grandma's passing anniversary on Friday, brought in a couple weeks earlier so we can attend too. It is packing day today and it feels uncomfortable as always. I resent this part of the trip even though I am grateful that we have been able to make this trip almost annually.  Still it is obvious how it has grown tougher on parents each year to watch us leave since my emigration for the first time eleven years ago.

Things have aged in the past decade, people have aged, relationships have aged, cities have aged. Life is passing so obviously before my eyes.  It is very easy to pause and look back at it all.  After all, this whole life is a passing experience.  I have experienced making many decisions, many mistakes, many moves...  It just worth to bring the attention back to the  inner being and refrain from anything that scatters the mind and heart...

Back to packing our things and the tiny souvenirs we bought and the gifts we received.  Packing to leave home for home...

I got a surprise tonight: unexpectedly had visits from old friends, especially S.F. who was visiting from the States herself but I had last met her a few years ago. Then I called yet another old friend who is visiting from Australia, M.B. I wished there were enough time to meet them all leisurely but the time is limited and the main commitment is toward families... Last dinner with M's family and goodbyes...

Christmas Day

A stayed at my mom's last night which was his first time away from both of us.  There was no buzzing door in the middle of the night or phone ringing to ask for him being picked up. He was very excited to stay.

My dear friends P.P. and N.T. Visited my mom's place last night. It was great, as always, to meet them and chat with them.  We can always pick up old discussions easily and cheerfully. It was a great night!

We visited Naghshe Jahaan and the old bazaar yesterday.  The rugs were still colorful and eye catching.  I so wished to buy a couple but we opted out of buying.

I walked the Jolfa neighborhoods with my brother today; there were many decorated Christmas trees at the windows of the shops and the Vang Church was fully decorated. It was a nice stroll... I wish everyone a very Merry Christmas!