Harvest

Happy harvesting!

The Magnificent Iran

This is amazing, the political events of these past few days in the world.  It is amazing, like a dream come true, that the Iranian president and foreign minister talk in the international media and I don't feel like I wish they never did. In fact for the first time in my life as a person who took her first breath during the curfew just before the Islamic Revolution of Iran, I look at the recently elected president and listen to his policies and feel unashamed, even feel proud. For the first time since I have developed some sense of politics and world policy I find the elected president actually representing the people of Iran.

I can just dream what this can mean to the people of Iran and the world, these fresh, powerful, sincere talks of invitation for negotiation.  Perhaps the blue sky will be seen again in the cities of that land. Perhaps medicine and medical devices will be provided to the sick grandmas (my maamaan joon included) and dying children. Perhaps the embargo will be released and airlines will resume the denied services to the people of the world again. Perhaps the notion of Tehran will be "magnificent" again.

How to Deal with Annoying People

I have been dwelling on the subject of how to deal with annoying people. Imagine having an annoying person in your life. Imagine her sticking her nose in everyone’s' business especially where it is not her business. She is demanding and bossy all the time even where she is not the boss. She provides unsolicited advice; worse, she criticizes people at her leisure and especially in public. Her comments and publicized judgments not only cause annoyance, they cause hurt and provide damage sometimes.

I hope you have a quite horrid image of her in your head by now.

Now I just reaized that the secret in managing an annoying person is: not to consider her annoying.

Simple? Not really. Because, in my opinion, it is embedded in one's philosophy to find another person annoying. But then for the same reason it is possible to not feel annoyed by another person's action: One should change her philosophy about annoyance. And to do so, is only a moment's decision.

I have found peace and comfort since I have decided to consider these kind of people non-annoying.

Her unsolicited advice is only due to her lack of interpersonal skills and tact. So is her seemingly bossiness, and critical manners. She might actually have no idea how to communicate. She might not even know that she has this problem. That makes a lost soul, I am afraid. We have a proverb in Farsi that if I do my best to translate it, it says: "One who doesn't know that he doesn't know, is destined to remain in his ignorance forever".

I hope that now you have a quite benign image of her in your head. Just remember; she is benign.

Reading the Past

I wanted to write a couple of recent events in the journal I keep for my A. I started writing for him in this journal before he was born. Then continued with the most prominent events in his life, first real smile, first tooth, first word, first step, and do on; but also how I observed him as a baby and a kid: what he seemed to like, how he seemed to react. Mostly though I write about my feelings for him.  I am planning to give it to him at some point in the future. May be when he has his own child enshala, if I'm still alive.

I opened the notebook tonight but instead of writing I started reading. Soon I found it so vividly clear in my heart how I felt toward him back then.  I missed his babyhood so dearly suddenly.  He is grown and independent now.  It was a very perplex feeling, a new experience even, reading the notebook.

I want him a baby again. I want him to grow up too. And I want him to live a long life.

God be with you my sunny son!

I hope to cherish every moment of these days that you are still with us, chatting away about your silly dreams and wanting to be read to at bed time.

I think letting go is one of the hardest part of motherhood.

One Hour Walk

Living in California with fantastic weather all year round and it is hard to find a path that would give me an hour worth of walk from home.

I had a long day with a sick nanny who cancelled on me yesterday and a bunch of meetings. Working from home with a not-so-well baby I managed all the meetings and conference calls and spontaneous calls pretty well actually. It was a successful day job-wise. However, I needed a break from it all. So when M came home late in the afternoon I tool the chance to flee the house.  Destination? Wherever that would give me one hour worth of walk. The furthest I could go before hitting the highway (well, that's what's good about where we live: strategic access to two main highways) was Starbucks but it only gave me 20 minutes of walk. Still I know if any of the neighbors decided to go there they would ride their cars. This is America.

Anyways, I ordered a 250 cal Chocolate Chai Latte and I regret it the moment I finished calling the name. Yet didn't withdraw. I wish i had. Sipping from it I was sure it didn't worth it.

I must say it is a boring Starbucks. At a glance, not that I am much in the mood to chat, no body interesting is sitting around. I'm going to just read my book a bit before taking the 20 minutes walk back.

I'm reading this book "The Art of Influence" by Chris Widener. So far so good. Like it. Both the narration and the tiny story behind and the "Golden Rules of Influence" suggested.  It's a tiny book I have been reading for almost 1.5 weeks given my very limited time to study lately.

So far I have read and implemented two of the golden rules:

1) living an undivided life of integrity

2) always demonstrate a positive attitude

The latter is a piece of cake for the Sagittarius that I am. That's what we are: positive.  At least for bigger part of life.

...

Wondering if I could find a one hour path around the house that's enjoyable.

Ain't This Life?

"When destiny calls you

You must be strong"

 

The Fire Within

It burns but just the soul.

It has always been yet, except only for one or two people, no one cared to understand it. After all, it was burning, and it will burn. There apeared the risk.  It was intimidating.  Hence, keeping the distance, ignoring it, putting it off.  

As life happened it covered and faded its presence but never chilled.  It was just not to be revealed.  It silently exists.

Memories

She was sitting on a chair by the curbside after taking a long walk. She had her notebook open; a cup of tea that was almost chilled and a pen in her hand.   No word written.

The memories were faintly circulating in her head. She remembered how hard it was back in the time to think of those cheerful events and bright feelings as memories. She thought all would remain in her head as bright as the sunlight. But then the dust of time sat on her mind and she couldn't remember how she was feeling, thinking, comprehending.

All she had now was a notebook full of white papers and a head full of fainting memories.

Persian Awesomeness

Today at Los Gatos Farmers' Market :)

Persian cucumbers are gone

Goodbye Maternity Leave

This was the last week of my maternity leave. I am going to resume work after just 13.5 weeks outside the job on Monday, enshala. My little angel will be only 12 weeks young when I resume work.

It was a tough week:

First my mom left forcing me to adjust to managing my new life by myself, and then I heard that my supportive boss was resigning. It feels like a complex time for him to leave, exactly when I am coming back to work after several weeks.  My nanny started working this week which added the stress of managing and training her. It was really rough and frankly overwhelming at times.

But then, a God-sent gift: my cousin arrived from New York.

She is a lovely and smart person. She is a few years younger than me and has been in the US practically her whole life. I take pride in her, watching her grow from afar and becoming this successful independent young lady with a very kind soul.

I'm thankful for her visit, being here exactly when I needed her moral support. She listened to me and my dreams and my worries genuinely and then lift my spirit by all her kind words counting my strengths and boosting my confidence.  God bless you my dear cousin!

Now I am trying to resume my trust, in the universe and its intents. Stepping into the new unknown. Excited and I know I can do it, enshala. And I surely miss my 12 months of maternity leave in Canada.

Lets Have Some Tea

It's getting milder and still feels warm and inviting for a stroll in the big park. The lake is still housing the geese. Or may be they are permanently settled. There is a Japanese garden with manicured plants and ponds filled with red fish. They say they bring luck and prosperity I think.  I would pack a little snack but I prefer to just sit down in the tea garden and sip some tea with you.

I Love That Land

A: "I want to go to Iran. Not because it is smelly [he means polluted thanks to awfully refined gas"; not because people talk a different language [i.e. his mother tongue!!]; not because it is on the other side of the world; but because my grandparents are there."

Ah!

"Even if Iran is nothing but a damaged land

Still, I love that damaged land"

Or something like this:

اگر ايران بجز ويران سرا نيست

من آن ويران سرا را دوست دارم

Artichoke Heart

Yesterday my mom had an artichoke heart salad and seemed to really enjoy it. Great! Now every time I have artichoke heart I'm reminded of her too.

I wish she hasn't have to go. And I'm whining like a little girl. But I am her little girl who is a mother of two now.

I just wish ...

The Sorrows of An Immigrant

Separation.

The most hurtful fact of immigration.

It literally pains thinking about my mom's departure in a couple days, to leave her at the airport, to come back to a house with an empty guest room.

It all started with the departure.

I left Iran for the first time in the fall of 2000.  I packed all the things I really liked and left them in a storage, let my parents drive me to the airport and then left them behind the glass doors to the departure gates.  My grandma also came to the airport, sighing every once in a while. She has grown much older now, has suffered a stroke since, and looks more wrinkled.

I have lost many great moments since. Many births, many marriages, some losses.

It is a long time thirteen years. My brothers, then twins and teens, have grown to be young men now.  My parents have matured.  My sisters have married.

I have missed a lot. And it feels really sad thinking about it. Worse, I am missing more and more everyday.

I don't want my mother to leave. But she doesn't want to miss things. So she is going to go back.  I am going to come back to an empty guest room and continue missing, dwelling in the sorrows of the immigrant that I am.

Feeling Like A Couple Again After the Kids

M and I got to spend a solid four hours together today. It feels good!

At Monterey today, my dear mom took A to the Monterey Bay Aquarium for a few hours. M and I passed lest with the little angel our time would be spent attending to her. Instead, we walked the Cannery Row for a few times.

We started the walk chatting about a couple hurts, acknowledging them and clearing our minds for only 5 minutes or so.  Then we strolled around; window shopped a bit, tried some sea salt taffies, had a marvelous Cappuccino at the Happy Girl's Kitchen, and bought a couple souvenirs.  After a few hours I realized we had not talked about A, had attended to the baby only a couple times, and mostly had spent our time being together; we were simply a couple again.  It felt as if we hadn't had such time for a long long time and suddenly it felt really refreshing.

Funnily as soon as we united with my dear mom and A all the cajoling and A talking resumed. That made the past few hours as a couple even bolder, more precious.  I feel charged up for a while now. Feels great actually!

The Best in Town

He did it, starting a business I mean, from scratch and with very little monitory investment albeit huge stamina.

I feel proud of my brother.

He was always full of ideas. Many people are perhaps. But his ideas were big yet achievable. As I watched him grow and the years passed, I witnessed how he was getting closer: in the end 1) he knew what he wanted to do and could explain it 2) he seemed to know how to do it 3) he seemed to know he could do it.

Now he started a new business despite all the hurdles. He showed flexibility when hardship surfaced. He showed perseverance when things failed. And he showed leadership by guiding the village to raise his baby business. I am sure it is the best in town.

Now, he is looking at the next business and I know he can do it. So very proud of him!

The Real Taste or the Taste of Real

Suddenly I had both kids kind of sick. The little angel had her two-month-check-up and had to take a slew of vaccines which made her completely drowsy for about 6 hours. Then when I picked up A from school I realized he was not his usual self either. He said he had not eaten nor did he play at lunch, because he missed us he said. But I knew there was something wrong with his well being.

At home I monitored both kids for a few hours regularly and thank God neither developed fever. They just remained drowsy and energy less.

While laying lazily on the couch, A asked for the same soup I had made him last time he was sick. And so I did. Then I decided to bring down the big bulky juicer and make him some "fresh" apple juice. The kind that always reminded me of my childhood when my mom made us fresh juice. The kind with a natural froth that made mustaches for us. I felt delighted to make fresh juice for A actually.

After he took a sip he put the apple juice aside. He claimed that it didn't taste like the ones from store! So he didn't like it!!

Ah! My broken heart.

I said "yes honey. It doesn't taste like the store-bought juice. It's "fresh"!"

How to be a Perfect Mother

"I know she loves me because she kisses me every time she leaves the house". This is what A wrote in the card he made for me at school for the Mother's Day this past May.  Interestingly, despite the nagging feeling of guilt, "leaving the house" wasn't of any guilt-worthy thought in him.  More interestingly, I know I kiss him every time I leave him because of me, not because of him really.

Talking to A today about simple subjects of the day, I realized, despite the imperfect nature I naturally possess, what radiates the perfect love to my kids is being "present" with my loving them. To simply love them for me, in my own way. To really see them, hear them, feel them, and cherish it all in my heart. To really watch A when he tells me that he swam in the 8 feet section of the pool today, to see my little angel when she eagerly suckles the milk, to simply listen to A when he tells me about his day dreams, to eagerly memorize the cooing noise the little princess makes.  To be with them when I am with them.  They feel it!

Moreover, it is the quality of life I live and they witness that is keenly obvious  to them, that they will remember when they think of their childhood later in life. As Alison Tate wrote in Huffington Post blog, "What our children will remember about us is how we lived our lives, how we worked, what we loved, and how we shared that love". http://www.huffingtonpost.com/allison-tate/the-best-of-mothers_b_3764947.html

I hope to, and pray to God to help me, be present in my life and in my loving my kids. I strive to really give them my full attention every moment I spend with them. I endeavor to "be".  I think this is the main and simple and most innate way to prove my love to my kids. I hope they attest to my love for them when they think of me for all the Mother's Days to come, whether or not I am with them.

Happy Wet Feet

By The Pacific Ocean

November 2007

By The Pacific Ocean

August 2013

He is growing too fast.

"Rome, Tehran, Tokyo"

In an ad campaign for Hilton Hotels, "Magnificent cities" was the description used by Don Draper for Rome, Tehran, and Tokyo in the same sequence in Mad Men, Season 3, Episode 9. 1963.

2013. Exactly 40 years later, and there is no more any Hilton Hotel in Tehran.  In fact, who would think about vacationing in Tehran except for Iranians and some very rare tourists?  Who would put magnificent and Tehran in the same sentence? How often would one think of Rome and Tehran at the same time?

Alas! I can't stop but wonder how the world could be if there still was a Hilton Hotel in Tehran. Perhaps I was still living there, just blocks away from  my beloved mom and sister. Perhaps the sky of the cities in the land of Persia was still blue and not hazy with dust. Perhaps Iran was listed in the drop down menu of Expedia. Perhaps my kids could read and comprehend Ferdowsi's poem yet I was not reciting it in my head dozens of times every day:

دريغ است ايران كه ويران شود

كنام پلنگان و شيران شود

Alas if Iran is destroyed

Alas if Iran is housed by leopards and lions