Book: Managing Right for the First Time

By David C Baker
Finished the book in two days; I needed to as I had only two days. But then also in the preface of the book, the author himself suggests to finish the book in a couple sittings.
I feel grateful that I got to read this book before my first day. I realized I didn't know somethings; moreover, I had wrong assumptions or understandings of some other things.
I will give the book 5 stars in the review; the main thing I can say about it is that it felt real. No fluff, no useless statistics, practical, to the point. If you are interested in some takeaway, here you are:

• There is no connection between "doing" and "managing"
• Management is having a vision and forging ahead to make it happen even when the answers are not obvious
• Take risk. Make mistakes. It's better than inaction.
• Management can be lonely.
• Misunderstanding is inevitable. Be prepared.
• Be prepared to be wrong.
• Set expectations early and clearly.
• Benefits of content employees is that they are swayed to join you, more likely to stay, then consistently do better work for you and your customers because valuable mental nervy is not spent on protecting their own interests.
• Don't pretend you are one of then cause you are not.
• You are managing a person only if you are part of the group defining their compensations and you are providing with their performance review.
• In a nutshell: management is to know what you want, find the right person, make sure they understand what you want, reinforce and model this behavior, then talk about how well the employee is doing.

To Manage for the First Time

I had managed technicians before.
I am managing an Associate Product Manager now, whom I really am happy with his performance thus far and think of him as an asset.  I actually brought him on board myself after his initiation.
But starting Monday, I will be managing the first person I have hired myself.
I must admit, the hiring process was a humbling experience.  Up until then I thought going to an interview was a difficult task, to get a hiring manager be able to see your abilities in 30-60 minutes.  However, when I was on the hiring shoes this past time I found that equally or even more so challenging.  I needed to figure out the abilities of an interviewee in 30-60 minutes!
I am excited and anxious about it.  I ordered two new books from Amazon and just received them:
Managing Right for the First Time by David Baker
Becoming Resonant Leader by McKee, Boyatzis, Johnston
I have two days to study them.  Grabbing a Orange Blossom drink, opening the shades, and sitting in the backyard reading the books.  That will be my weekend plan.

Notes from a Woman with a Bump - Finding Baby Name

It's a huge deal for us; name of the baby. We like the name to be Persian, meaningful, strong, and global. We want it to pronounce well and mean good, at least not bad, in most common languages. We want it not to be too popular, too foreign, too old, too new. We want the name to have our parents approval in the end.  We want it to be short and sweet.
It's a project by itself.
I realized that we had more possible options with the name of my son compared to a girl's name. One theory I have is that Persian girls' names, even though meaningful and strong, but hard to pronounce in English. For example, some of my favorite names: Mehrangiz, Saghi, Shaghayegh.
There are several websites with name ranking and name meaning, and several forum asking for suggestions (not my kind of thing). But I found this website the best:
http://www.thinkbabynames.com/
It provides with the name's meaning, other names that rhyme with it, some statistics, and different  prononciation and spelling. What's really cool is that you can search for names that rhyme with another name, for example an older siniling's name.
It's a cumbersome yet fun project in the end. Kids deserve pretty and meaningful names. Good lunch finding yours!

Mom's Day Back Home

Happy Mother's Day to all moms! Many of my friends are moms now.  Amazing! Alhamdolella!
Above all, happy Mother's Day to my mom. For all her love and patience and wisdom I adore her for ever!

A Woman with a Bump - Rollercoaster Day

It was a strange day. I don't know when it started affecting me so hard.
I started a beautiful day feeling good. I was wearing a new maternity dress I had just bought even though only two more months remaining of my pregnancy. Needed a flowydress for these hot days. And got lots of compliment. Even "you are the most beautiful pregnant lady I've ever seen"!!:) so sweet a remark after the comment about me having twins.
But then I received an ungrateful review for one of my meetings.  It didn't affect me much at the time; I knew I had done my part and knew sometimes people can act selfish and demanding but the more it passed the deeper it hurt.  It was not a successful meeting and I think it was because of lack of communication and knowledge from the other party involved. But then suddenly it had become my fault!  Makes me wonder if it is like this everywhere.
I'm looking forward to reducing load and taking off for a while.  Soon enshala.

Notes from a Woman with a Bump - Coping

There are nine weeks remaining to my due date; I love having her within me for another nine weeks.
Yet I feel exhausted in my body lately.
I am trying to observe me and the changes within me, both emotionally and physically.
I am loving and nurturing my baby.  I try to talk to her sometimes and recently started reciting the holy verses to her.
I try to meditate, even if for two deep breaths.
I try to eat natural and that makes me feel good.
I am adding flower essences (rose or orange blossom) to my ice cold water and really enjoy the soothing sensation flowing in me.
The most challenging exercise in my coping is to not get angry.  I am observing this feeling and try to remain calm through it.
I am trying to finish my work commitments sooner, just in case.
There is still a lot to be done at home in preparation but I try to take care of them one by one.  Mainly, I am working on a couple lists.  But hopefully will find the time to execute them.
This pregnancy is allowing me to observe more consciously.  All is calm...

Notes from a Woman with a Bump - Weight Gain

My body gained 52lbs during my first pregnancy.  I was not necessarily swollen, I do not recall.  But I was big.  Huge in the last few weeks.  This 52lb gain was after 5lbs loss in the first trimester.
They say for a woman with normal BMI, the healthy weight gain is 25-35lbs.
But there was nothing I could do to slow down the weight gain cause there was nothing I was doing to gain in the first place.  No particular overindulgence but lack of physical activities for sure, even though I swam once a week and walked when the snow storms on Toronto allowed and did yoga till 7th month.
I lost it all in the first 3 months post deliver.  I was back to where I was after that.  Granted, I stayed active.  And I cannot wait to be able to do a set of 20 jumping jacks again followed one of those 2 minutes ab works from Exercise TV.
This time, my body started gaining weight from the beginning of my pregnancy.  I do not appreciate the negative remarks about my body's form and weight gain to be honest.  I appreciate "you are a cute pregnant lady" though ;)  Which I do get a lot.  But last week a colleague asked about the week I am in, week 30th, and then asked if I had a twin!!  Interestingly her own body is on the heavy side.
In the past four weeks my body has gained only 2lbs, which is a record low since I routinely meet my doc.
Today in one of the many pregnancy magazines laying around the house I read that in the 3rd trimester the baby grows twice as tall and gains four times its weight.  Well.  Here we go!

Notes from a Woman with a Bump - Baby Kicks

Quickening.
That is the word for the baby kicks.  Vocabulary.
I have been able to feel her kicks since week 14 of pregnancy.  A pregnant colleague gasped "impossible!".  Well.  I have.  But M has been feeling the kicks closer to week 20.  Is she too strong or am I too sensitive?
Recently, the kicks and the patterns have changed to a strange mode I do not recall remembering from my first pregnancy.  Oh well, it was seven years ago.
She is still kicking and pressing here and there.  But sometimes she jerks too suddenly it feels as if she was stuck and suddenly got free.  Also she seems to shake here and there.  Not quite "shaking", but that is the best way I can describe it.
Thankfully I met with my doc yesterday and she assured me any movement was considered good.
So, baby!  Please just move.  Mommy loves it!

One Head and One Thousand Dreams

One head and one thousand dreams.  That is how I can describe me lately.
I am still working on my registry list, what I need to take to the hospital, finalizing the hospital tour, baby girl's name, organizing back up nanny.  Then I am planning for A's birthday parties; like every year he is having a few parties with friends and family friends and families.  I am also preparing for my new hire, a new and welcomed challenge.  I am trying to finalize my work commitments which is, like always, never ending.
I was thinking today to write about my pregnancy a bit, in my own diary.  But my diary is private and this is the experience I would like to share with my kids...  Gosh!  Kids!!  Who knew I will have two.  Well, enshala.  So, here is my new endeavor: writing about pregnancy.

My First Train Ride in the USA

I am on board on Amrak, Pacific Surfliner, from San Diego to Santa Barbara.  Departing right at 4PM, on business class for $62!  The commute is supposed to take about 5 hours 40 minutes.  We shall see.  I have read delays with this train but so far smack on time.
I am going to take time site seeing while we still have daylight.  Then I have a ton of emails to catch up with.
San Diego was nice this trip.  We got here Thursday afternoon and I had to meet a customer than night.  I worked on Friday too but then we got to take A to Legoland and Sea World and he had a blast.  He rode the Mini City Car Ride in Legoland 7 times; the ride he couldn't get on last year since he was not fill 6 years old.  He rode the coasters a couple times too with daddy.  I was the bystander for most of the rides; ok, all of the rides except the Sky Rider in the Sea World.
We got to meet my dear R.A. Her mom had brought me a pearl set from India which was so sweet of her.  She then gifted a hand knitted blanket to the baby girl.  It was fantastic catching up with her, try her great Chai again, and just chat even though too short of a time.
We had brunch at Cafe Chloe in the Gaslamp Quarter in San Diego.  Totally recommended.  Great food, nice ambiance, and polite and welcoming servers.
A and I really liked San Diego like always.  Hard to leave now.  Especially since M and A left by plane back home and I am on my own to Santa Barbara.  Well, baby girl is keeping me company so quietly for now :)

Rira

"We are all doing fine!
But you don't believe it."
How I miss it deeply suddenly.  His voice.  Khosrow Shakibaii. God bless his soul!
And his words!  Ali Salehi.

There was the high school era.  The time to meet friends, every day.  Every single day.  And the time to dream, dream among those friends of the same thread.  Dream, every day.  Every single day.  Dream all the dreams in the world.  The presence of those friends was enough to make many many dreams seem possible.

"ziba! havaaye hosele abrist"

Now, today, being thousands of thousands of miles away from them, residing on the other side of the world, being out of school for years already, being the wife of a man I love, being the mother of a boy I adore, being the employee of a company I admired, I bump into stop signs on a daily basis.  I see people eye to eye while they are looking at me with their dreamless eyes, with their waxed ears, with their closed mind.  I see people who are looking but cannot see.

Those friends of the same thread are not here to dream with me every day anymore.  Yet, I will continue with my dreaming.  I will continue seeing what other might not be able to see.  I will continue dreaming of bigger dreams.  I will look at the stop signs of the dreamless people and walk through their stop signs.

I am.

One Foggy Morning in Spring

It was dimly light. A foggy early morning in Spring.  The bird of the recent days was chirping sweetly outside the closed curtains.
He rolled his head and looked at her.  Her eyes were already open.  She smiled.
He smiled back and propped himself on his elbow, looking down at her sleepy eyes.  She told him about her joyful dream, he laughed and gave her a kiss.  She then told him about her plans for the day.  He made a couple suggestions.  Then got up to make breakfast.  Her favorite instant coffee was ready when she got out of shower.
They walked the kids to school and head back home.  But the hills were too charming to be ignored.  They set up the hills, embracing the foggy fresh air.  The muddy dirt under their feet making them slip every often, giving them an excuse to laugh at each others' clumsiness.  They found a more decent path and climbed some more before they set off on their decent.  They talked about the kids a bit, how one got excited at a recent news and how the other was troubled with a recent mishap at school.  Then switched to their plans for their upcoming vacation.
They were already home now.  And one hour late for work.  Yet, hundred hours ahead in life.

Women, Promotion, Pregnancy

Recently my dear friend, FH, recommended me to read the book Lean In by Sherly Sandberg.  I just watched her TED Talk, Why we have too few women leaders, and really enjoyed it. Particularly being pregnant and being interested in promotions   I hope for a motivating job to go back to after maternity leave inshala. And I am hopeful.  Enjoy this TED Talk!

The Path, Self Compasion, and Less Stress at Work

Today's Harvard Business Review of the day was interestingly calling in the same direction The Path calls us.  Enjoy the read:

MARCH 22, 2013

Reduce Stress with Self-Compassion

You have too much on your plate, deadlines are looming, and people are counting on you. Since you can't eliminate bouts of intense stress, you have to learn to deal with them. Studies show that people who practice "self-compassion" are happier, more optimistic, and less anxious and depressed. This is the willingness to look at your failures with kindness and understanding — without harsh criticism or defensiveness. Most of us believe that we need to be hard on ourselves to perform our best, but it turns out that's plain wrong. A dose of self-compassion when things are at their most difficult can reduce your stress and improve your performance, by making it easier to learn from your mistakes. So remember that to err is human, and give yourself a break.

Today's Management Tip was adapted from "Nine Ways Successful People Defeat Stress" by Heidi Grant Halvorson.

Read the full post and join the discussion »

Happy Nowruz!

All the blessed wishes for the New Year!

The Little Miracles of Life

A little miracle today reminded me of "the little miracles that sustain this world".

When there is a energy drainer, when there is a cancerous cell, when there is a stinking piece eroding somewhere in the house, it takes courage to get rid of it.  But when you do, even if it pains (it most likely will for a short while), then something, miraculously, is going to fill its place.  And no doubt, it will be a nicer experience that wont drain or stink but most probably will energize and bring back pleasure.

The key is to be able to identify it, and to be courageous to let go of it.

Here is to all the little miracles of life, every day!

Strategic Thinking in Management

Per the Gallup StrengthFinder2.0 analysis, Strategic is my dominant strength.  In the description, it say: "The Strategic theme enables you to sort through the clutter and find the best route. It is not a skill that can be taught. It is a distinct way of thinking, a special perspective on the world at large. This perspective allows you to see patterns where others simply see complexity. Mindful of these patterns, you play out alternative scenarios, always asking, "What if this happened? Okay, well what if this happened?" This recurring question helps you see around the next corner. There you can evaluate accurately the potential obstacles. Guided by where you see each path leading, you start to make selections. You discard the paths that lead nowhere. You discard the paths that lead straight into resistance. You discard the paths that lead into a fog of confusion. You cull and make selections until you arrive at the chosen path -- your strategy. Armed with your strategy, you strike forward. This is your Strategic theme at work: "What if?" Select. Strike."
This deems to be pretty accurate.  I see patterns and shades and underlying reasons when most cannot see, analyze, and decide quickly.  I sometimes make bold decisions but staying in an indecisive state is far from me.
Given this, having a person who doesn't have strategic vision around bores me: an individual who cannot see the patterns, is very nearsighted, is unsure about his ideas but accept your ideas to turn around and ignore them.  I am figuring out that this is a strength that is not necessarily present to all. It is too much to ask all to have similar perspective.  But the art is to be able to pass along the vision and ideas and help rest to be able to see it.  I have been contemplating on Socrates approach; how he guided people to see his vision so patiently and compassionately.

charshanbe suri

Tomorrow is the last Wednesday before the new Spring, which marks the beginning of the Persian New Year.  So people are out having parties and cleansing themselves with the fire.  We are planning on an outing next Tuesday night.  But it was fun to hear the announcement on NPR on my way home.

The Missing Thing

A girl friend.
The thought of it makes me feel so lonely. The thought of confessing to it, even more so.
Once my aunt asked me about a series of questions the answers to which would tell you about you... So there is a road ... It ends to a hut... You open the door... There is a table... What's on the table? I said a bowl of fruit. She said you like company and you care for your friends.
I do. Both.
But I miss my friends. Someone who cares deeply for me.  You has my back. Who is strong when I'm weak and who shares her weaknesses with me wanting my strengths.
I am so lonely here. May be it is like so everywhere.

The Answer

"All of your frustrations are due

to your seeking your wishes.

If you didn't, all wishes would

come to you like offerings.

Love all of the Beloved's ways,

and not just Her affection,

so that the coquettish Beloved

would come to you as a desperate lover."

Divan Shamsi Tabrizi 323

Love's Ripening pp. 11-13

Kabir Helminski