Multiply

I love traveling and living in different places. Far away. Close by. With family and friends. Alone by myself.

I marvel in sceneries and cities and towns and people. It teaches me so much about the world and about myself. Knowing thy self is knowing thy One.

I tend to plan and then worry about the execution steps. Exactly how I read Aziz in the book I'm reading does, The Forty Rules of Love  by Elif Shafak who seemingly is a citizen of the world herself.

This is the intriguing aspect on authorship to me; to travel as part of the journey of life and career.

I am having a tough time with this pregnancy. I try to remind myself how I'm involved in the works of God. As if I'm not involved other than feeling queasy and getting big without eating.

Here we go. Floating in the Divine ocean of Love. 

Empty Words

She thought about him a lot this past weekend.
She thought about how she thought about him a lot this past weekend.
She thought to tell him when they met.
He said he would come but warned her to not think about it.  She refrained herself from thinking about it.  He had said several times before that he would come.  He would be there for her.  Yet he had broken his words equal to the times he had promised.  She knew better to not believe him. Yet she did.
She imagined how he would show up this time.  How he would assume she ignored his words.  How he would then think he would surprise her.
She imagined if he would call her when he gets there: "I am here".
She imagined if he would just walk up to her and she would look up and see his eyes.
She imagined if she would feel surprised, relieved, loved.
She imagined where they would go for dinner.  The venue didn't matter to her.  She thought they would talk, like before.  Had he changed?  She had changed she knew that.  How about his feelings?  How about the look in his eyes?  What did he have to talk about?  What would he share about his recent experiments in life?  She thought how late they would dine.  Perhaps they would be the last couple leaving.  Perhaps walking for an hour or two afterwards.  Perhaps it would get too cold and they would shelter in each others' warmth.
Perhaps they wouldn't say goodbye this time.
The phone rang.  Her heart stopped for a minuscule moment.  She knew before the hello.
His words were all empty after that.
They were empty before that too.
She thought about her naivete.  She smiled at herself, happy about all her fantasies.  She remembered how she couldn't imagine his eyes.  She remembered how in her dreams he was faceless.  The dreams were all hers.  Nothing of him.  Nothing about him.
Every time she thought about him, she thought "empty".

Chicago

Downtown Chicago. My hair smells like smog. I'm in a crappy Hampton too. I think this is my last time at a Hampton. Or Embassy for that matter. I might switch to SPG.

Found a sandwich shop just five minutes walking distance from the hotel. A shop with a character! Antique wall decor, a bookshelf with ancient books, and tasty well priced sandwiches.

These are my last business trips for a while.

I know I'm not a mommy type. A lady staying home and caring about everything in every hour of every child's life. Yet God is blessing us with one more.

I like my job. It's on the track and it will eventually move up where it should. I feel it. And I am doing it.

A leave of absence.

The job won't wait.

The baby will grow, on breast or bottle.

My heart will break every time the airplane takes off away from my family.

Money will go low. We need to ration and prioritize.

I feel a couple years won't shatter a 30 year career after all. I feel there is a place for me. I will come back enshala.

For now, enjoying carrying the baby inside me while doing business in Chicago.