The Old and The New

Her joyful grin is etched in my memories.  She was standing down the stairs when I looked below in the response to a heavy stare I felt while extending a hand forward in guard for my little m as she was climbing up the stairs.  This was her first full attempt to conquer the stairs.  She was walking tall already exuding triumph in a manner only toddlers do at any first attempt in overcoming the wordly challenges, e.g. the stairs.  There were two sets of railings one exactly at her level and she made sure to hold on to it.  I must say, I was proud to watch her climb independently at only 17 months young. She was trapped inside yesterday and today due to the Univer's blessings of rain and this was her opportunity to move around and I let her.  Still climbing right behind her with one hand extended ready to hold a falling little body if at all.  Then I realized the heaviness of a stare so I turned around and saw her.

She looked older, perhaps in her 70s with a wrinkled face and slightly hunched shoulders. Still she was tall I must say.  There were worries on her look that made me feel uneasy, as if being judged in my motherhood allowing my little 32 inch tall toddler climb the stairs in a public library. Then immediately her mouth opened in a wide grin showing two yellowed rows of teeth.  I immediately smiled back.  Two more steps and I turned around to see her again but she was gone.  I followed her trail and found her at the door walking out in her ankle boots and hunched back.

The old lady stepping out as my little toddler climbed yet another flight of stairs.

Emigrating Love

I just opened your page and watched your picture. I do this sometimes.  Then I realize how much I missed you.

I hold my cup with both hands sipping all the warmth and long for a conversation over its dying steam.

I wonder about my life if you hadn't gone.  I imagine the many mochas, the many conversations, the many hikes, the many travels, the many adventures.  I imagine the calm and assurance in your presence.  And I wonder how it is for you in your untraceable emigration.  I know how it is for me.

Thankful I Am

I am thankful for this four day holiday; My favorite for the past nine years living in the United States of America!

I am thankful for friends and relatives who have invited us to their feast every year!

I am thankful for yet another birthday coming up soon right after this down time to pause and reflect on the year that's gone!

I'm thankful for the alarm that goes off at 5:55AM similar to every other weekday because I forgot to turn it off on this Thanksgiving Thursday reminding me to remember the little things!

I am thankful for my sunny son who slips his frozen limbs under the blanket at 6AM giving me unwelcomed shivers reminding me that I was warm all night!

I am thankful for my little angel vailing at 6:30AM reminding me of nights she used to wake up every 1.5 hours and how grateful I am for the stretch of night sleeps she grants me these days!

I am grateful for my hubby encouraging me to exercise even in the middle of the night in the tag of war over our blanket!

I am grateful for my long hair and the joys of feeling it's fluff on my bare back!

I am grateful for my father who is always in my thoughts not knowingly giving me guidance when I ask myself "what would my dad do if he were in my shoes?"!

I am grateful for my mom whose kindness has solidified my belief in God!

I am thankful for a job that's flexible and challenging me to be persistence and calm!

I'm thankful for my sisters and brothers who are always there for me!

I am thankful for my friends, all of them, here, there, in Iran, in France, in Canada, in UK, in Astralia, in Germany, in Italy, in Malasia, in New York, in Minnesota, in Massachusetts, in Texas, in  San Digeo, in LA, in the Bay Area!

I am thankful for Viber putting me in daily contact with my friends and relatives!

I am thankful for the turkey awaiting to be eaten this afternoon!

I am thankful for the bakers who are making the pastries we are going to take to our relatives this afternoon!

I'm thankful for my tiny house and lesser mortgage providing me the freedom to spend and invest more freely!

I am thankful for the fire in the fireplace and the boiling kettle on the stove!

I am thankful for the friends of the Path!

I am thankful for this sunny morning and all the disturbing noises of nags and cries and unsuitable music and computer games around this house this morning because I love all the noisy people making the noises!

I am thankful for being thankful!

I am thankful for you reading along till this point!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Dichotomy and Democracy

It baffles me how sometimes politics appear black and white in a democratic society:

Republicans vsDemocrats  

Black vs White

Male vs Female

I am looking forward to a day when we analyze facts above and beyond two distinct labels; to simply observe and listen objectively and just be heart and brain.

Distance

Sometimes people get too comfortable with each other. Sometimes people take each other for granted. Sometimes people get used to having her, talking to her, touching her, kissing her so much so they don't care about the presence, the talk, the touch or the kiss.

Sometimes people take it all for granted.

May be some distance will help cure the ignorance.

Early on Tuesday

"Maybe I didn't love you

Quite as often as I could have

And maybe I didn't treat you

Quite as good as I should have

If I made you feel second best

Girl I'm sorry I was blind

You were always on my mind

You were always on my mind

And maybe I didn't hold you

All those lonely, lonely times

And I guess I never told you

I'm so happy that you're mine

Little things I should have said and done

I just never took the time

But ..."

The sound of the waves crashing on the boulders spiked high and made her open her eyes reflexively.  She was sitting in a lotus pose inside the cottage yet it felt as if the waves were crashing at her door.  The cottage was located just a bit too close to the edge of the boulders.  Earlier that morning she drove to the Santa Cruz coast to spend the day in the cottage. She got it rented just the night before. How lucky!

A day by herself. Alone. By the ocean.

She shut her eyes again falling back in her meditation. Inhaling the smell of the ocean, exhaling gratitude. Inhaling the support, exhaling gratitude. Inhaling the challenges, exhaling gratitude.

She imagined him; his name; his face; his crooked smile.  Then she imagined him gliding away getting smaller and smaller to a tiny little dot in the vast space of all her imaginations. At the fantasy of it all she smiled while her eyes closed. Relieved.

Let Love

I want a trip to a far away city, a clean shiny trendy one just like Vancouver. I want just the two of us vacationing there. Staying at a nice comfortable hotel by the harbor may be, hiking by the shore, eating at the nicest casual diners, having desert and coffee in local cafes, chatting away and laughing at simple little funs of the moments.  I want to walk with you side by side everywhere we go. I want to hold hands, I want to lean on you, I want to feel taken cared of, cherished, marveled, desired.

I want to be the last dream of your night. Your first thought in the morning.

I want to feel loved.

An Old Encounter Anew

Fourteen years is a life time. Or is it?

I called her to get direction to our appointment.  Two minutes after she was suddenly in front of me albeit about 30 feet ahead. She waived at me; that's how I knew it was her. I realized my grin when I felt my mouth dry. She was walking toward me now looking straight up at me. I found my gaze avoiding hers, unsure about what I would find in her.

Fourteen years is an age. Or is it?

We greeted like old friends do, right cheek to cheek, left she kissed my cheek and then we hugged, briefly. Then I looked at her and kissed her cheek. Giddy. Yet uncertain. At first her tone was her casual self, as I remembered, a bit guarded may be: "chetori?" "How are you?" Asked in passing as if not expecting a response.

We already had a table thanks to her earlier arrival. Cactus Club by Canada Center was a trendy upper class hotspot. That's my vague memory of the place. I didn't care much.  We were seated and then we were talking. I'm not sure how many minutes were gone when we found ourselves already chatting so openly, immersed in the same subjects in life, alive with similar dreams; challenged in similar ways.  How baffling it was after all these years; what a pleasant surprise!

After all, fourteen years is a long time ago. Or is it?

I have grown. She has grown. We are not those high school girls any more. We are not the newly grads with our whole lives ahead of us any longer. We are both grown women, emigrated, married, working, mothers. Mothers!  Mothers!!  That's what has happened in the last decade and more.  When you think about it, fourteen years is a long enough time for transformations. Or is it?

Lunch was over too fast all the while we seemed oblivious to it all. She got a call and had to leave after 1.5 hours. I walked back to the hotel; noticing the beautiful fog over the mountains only once. Otherwise I was walking in my fogs of the past and the sudden unexpected fogs of the present.  Soon she texted and easily we joined again for coffee. This time I got to meet her son.  Her son!! She was a mother to a boy with her exact eyes.  This appeared so unimaginable I felt like I needed to touch him to believe that he was real.

We talked some more. This time I was mainly listening. Feeling her feelings. Wishing there was no interruption to come yet wishing to be by myself alone to digest this all.

Fourteen years apart must be a great deal for a friendship. Or is it?

She texted me later that night. Seemingly she was as unsure about this visit as I was earlier that day. And then we both had found our friends in each other; same way we were back in high school but this time married, emigrated, working, with kids. And all the baggages of life through it all.

Fourteen years is a life time. Or is it?

Vancouver City

I like trendy cities. I like beautiful old cities with history and character yet trendy new cities that are clean and chic are welcoming to me in a different way. They are usually safe and alive till late at night albeit in the downtown areas.

I like Vancouver for all the aforementioned  reasons. Got here only a few hours ago yet didn't take me long to remember how vibrant this city is to me. Staying at the Coal Harbor area for sure is a plus.

After a too short stop at my hotel I got to walk to my meeting appointment for dinner. People walking in the streets and bike riders despite the near freezing chill made it feel safe and alive.

The only problem, as always, is the business travel blues. It's lonely to travel by yourself.

The Future That Is History Now

Tonight's episode of The Newsroom, season one, episode five, reminded me of a conversation with my dear Syrian friend in the winter of 2011.  We were driving to a gathering and the news about Egypt was brought up in the car.  Very earnestly and oblivious for a moment to what was happening in Syria at the same time, I noted that I didn't find anything positive coming out of the Egyptian "revolution"; that any such abrupt movement was doomed to failure; that we had the history in front of us and very clear examples where people knew what they didn't want and got united to get rid of that but they were not united about what they wanted which caused a slew of new kind of troubles; that The Animal Farm was a masterpiece to hint that after revolutions, all animals were equal but some were more equal. To my utter surprise my dear friend protested my observations noting that they, the Egyptian, now had a choice and they could elect whom they wanted. I pointed how history tells us this didn't necessarily happen in similar situations and she simply said "then they will protest again and choose whom they want again". Well. That was the kind of logic I could never argue with because to me it lacked some logic!

Here we are now, almost four years after that conversation. What are we witnessing in Egypt today? It seems quiet. Calm? I don't know! Elected governments? Seemingly not!

We have a saying in Farsi that says "people deserve what they deserve".

As George Santanaya famously said, "Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it."

The Newsroom (2012- ) HBO Series

We have started watching The Newsroom series and I'm intrigued by how intrigued I feel about each episode!

We are just on the first season, episode five.  I must say I had no idea what went on behind the scene for each newscast. I never even thought about it. Now that I got a glimpse, it makes sense!  How everyone is running around finding stories and checking the facts.  Add to it all the different characters working such odd shifts to cover the news. I'm sure in reality they are not as bubbly and interesting as in The Newsroom, yet this series for sure has made it look fun to work in newscast agencies.

Jeff Daniels reminded me of the movie Dumb and Dumber for the first couple episodes. Now after five episodes that image is almost fading. He is Will McAvoy. Actually not only not dumb but super smart and brave and even though I never thought of him as handsome, I must say he is likable. 

The plots of the episodes seem real time, real events, real people in the news. I'm fascinated by even the idea of a news channel that wants to honestly inform the public and provide them with the facts and real analyses.  I know people will choose to believe what they choose, yet through such newscast at least there is the option to believe in truth.  Hopefully, one day.

Thank God For Him

I absolutely adore him.  He brings me up when I feel down.  He brings smile to mylips and  tears in my eyes listening to him, happy tears.  Listening to him and immersing in his vision calms my uneasy heart.  Thank God for you!  Thank God for you!  God keeps you for us!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hossein_Elahi_Ghomshei

"The old father of the sky should live a very long life

before the mom of the world gives birth to another son like you"

CNN Anthony Bourdain on Iran

I really enjoyed watching this episode of Anthony Bordain's; his experience in Iran.  He seemed appalled by welcoming Iranians and the versatility of the culture. Truly he witnessed the clash of the guards with filming for example yet nothing overshadowed the liveliness of the culture and people.

I appreciated his fair remarks on his observation. I even appreciated the background music, from Persian Dastgaah to Kurdish and even Southern Bedouin themes. That's the reality, Iranians are Persians and Arabs and Kurds and Turks and all the rest. As beautiful as wholesomeness.

Merci Anthony Bourdain for such a real depiction of the land of Persia!

http://youtu.be/ysYGCtGYGdc

http://youtu.be/cGWhGCy1CNE

The Evils of the Time

This is the first time in my life that I see the evil. Evil is real. Satan is real; doing the evil it has always been doing. This time in the name of God. This time in the name of Islam. This time in the name of religion. This time in the name of humanity.

I had lost my center for a while as I was observing all this evil that I couldn't comprehend. Now I realized the issue, thanks to my friends of The Path who mirrored me in my fear and hurt. I am found. I will hang on to my center this time. I pray. I pray for the helpless to have strength. I pray for those who are hurt to be healed. I pray for those who have no shelter to be safe. I pray for those who are right to remain strong. I pray for those who are evil to recognize their ugliness and to transform, may God have Mercy on them!

Peace! Love! Salaam!

CNN Sunday Nov 2, 2014 6PM PST

Looking forward to it!