Paying Back

It is in the middle of a business day and I'm sitting at a curbside on Santana Row. I'm waiting for a business colleague to join me. I'm exciting about meeting her; she is an accomplished woman in another division of the company I work for.

It is a fabulously pleasant day. Warm sun and mild breeze.  Everyone is in their light jackets; pretty warm for a winter day.

I'm sitting here, waiting, and people watching. The crowd can be divided to two categories: 40% working professionals and 60% parents with their young kids. It's so fun watching the wobbly toddlers walk and moms and dads relaxing around.

...

I got through my meeting. My meeting companion was such a sweet lady as I knew. It was a great one hour chatting about work and our backgrounds. Like always there was this question whether I married through arranged marriage. If I went to school in Iran. If my sister who is a dentist studied abroad. If I could work in Iran.

It makes me smile with amusement answering these questions. Makes me feel grateful for  the opportunity to educate yet another person about the reality of that land.

It was great meeting her. She is so bright and positive and with high energy. Loved her insights and grateful for her time. When I told her I was feeling bad of taking her precious time while I knew it was all for me she responded that she was paying back.

Biscuit and Taxi Driver

3:45AM and on my way to the airport. No appetite for breakfast before I left. When I rode the car, just to avoid motion sickness, I took out the small box of cookies from my bag and took one out.

Me: do you want a biscuit?

Taxi driver: no thanks! I just had a banana.

Then; Taxi driver: where are you from originally?

Me: Iran.

Then; Me: why do you ask? (Thinking if it were my accent triggering the question)

Taxi driver: because many few people ask if I want a biscuit.

Me: !!

To Recharge Self Esteem Go to Motherland

Unexpectedly I feel happier here since we are back.  It is ten days since we left Iran and I miss my family and I wish I could be there but I am in harmony with where I am now too.

For a long while before I left to visit my motherland, I was fighting this random theory in my heart, that everyone around me was happier than I was; the school moms, the coworkers, the neighbors. Somewhere in the process of feeling unhappy and sorry for myself I had doubted my self worth and self esteem. I was apologetic, then felt mad at myself feeling apologetic.

I am back now, feeling strong, loving, capable again.

I think what was actually happening was how I had missed being loved and respected the way one is among her family and long time friends.  In the short time I was there I was overjoyed with love and attention from family, relatives, and friends. In the last evening at my mom's for example I got to talk to my oldest uncle on the phone whom I hadn't talked to for several years; he said I made his day when he heard my voice.  This is so routine in Iran perhaps, to hear such loving words from a relative. But to me it was much needed, like water for a dried land; priceless. It was a memory to cherish for eternity. And it was one of hundreds of examples that are now sweet loving memories in my heart.

I think I was away from my motherland for too long. I will plan to go back as frequently as I can to recharge, to feel rooted again, to love and feel loved. Enshala.

Book: Power Talk - Notes to Remember

Notes to remember from the book:

Power Talk - Using Language to Build Authority and Influence

- Language from the center directs rather than responds, makes statements, contextualizes with authority, contradicts, argues, and disagrees, and practices affect of control. It sounds like competence, knowledge, and authority.

- Language from the edge responds rather than directs, asks questions, contextualizes with protective strategies, avoids open argument, and practices conversational maintenance.

- Think about your goal or intention before a conversation.

- Consider analyzing yourself after conversation with either of the two styles of language.

- Match your style with your intention.

- Your voice message tells stuff about you.

- The language of your work setting can be like a "foreign language" to be learned. Listen to the words and styles in the meetings and learn.

- After the meetings do some research to learn what was heard and what was remembered.

- Figure out the language of your work, then figure out if you can adopt it, then figure out if you want to adopt it. If positive, practice and practice.

- Work and its daily politics is like war. One must choose her battles and her weapons.

- Early in the meeting most want to talk about their opinions so they don't listen. Bring up your strong and new ideas in the middle.

- "Neutrality complements authority"

- If you are committed to the value of your opinion, rephrase it and say it again. Be concise and don't give up.

- Direct when you can and step back when you should.

- "This (job) is war.  You want to win. There will be costs. Choose your battles - and your weapons."

- "You can call your style 'team management' if you want but remember that teams are full of internal politics, turf wars, competitiveness, and resentment. Teams need a captain, a leader, or a cox. They want their leader to be wise, fair, and enthusiastic."

- "Since words produce something only approximately like what we mean, meeting face-to-face offers the best chance of clear communication."

- " E-mail is not private."

- "If the idea is thirty second old, it's probably too hot to pass along. Reflect, let things cool, then share."

A New Year

No chance to stop and ponder on my life to come. My life is now and has no pause click. My life is passing right in front of me and now I want my life to flow within me. I am living. I am life.

We are home now, not settled yet but that's a matter of time. Work has resumed. I need to gain the working mindset again.

I have new goals and new thoughts and plans to achieve them.  I liked this article in Forbes, so decided to share it even though I don't usually share articles in my blog. I found it timely and aligned with my thoughts, hope you enjoy it!

Mentally Strong People: The 13 Things They Avoid

http://www.forbes.com/sites/cherylsnappconner/2013/11/18/mentally-strong-people-the-13-things-they-avoid/

Taxi Driver's Wisdom

Taxi Driver: where are you from?

M: Iran.

TD: Tehran?

M: Isfahan.

TD: how long in Istanbul?

M: just today.

TD: why?

M: have you been to Iran?

TD: 30 years ago... Bus...

Iran potential is big. But [point his finger to his head]. Gas. Petroleum. But no economy. Closed. Only Islam. But democracy is good. Little by little. [opens both hands to the boulevard] this could be Iran.

First Time in Istanbul

We arrived at Istanbul Airport around 7AM local time for the first time on the first day of the new year. Sleepless and tired, yet excited to explore a little bit. After leaving our luggage at the airport for a fee, we found the Sheraton hotel shuttle where we had reservation. As soon as the shuttle doors opened in front of the hotel lobby it was evident that we were in an American environment: American music which was nicely blended with Turkish hospitality.  We were promised to check in earlier, around 10AM rather than 2PM.

We lounged in the lobby and A started watching Harry Potter.  It is a beautiful hotel, close to the airport located at the harbor front.

We got our room keys at 11AM at last. Knowing it would take that long we would have planned our day differently, leaving our carry on in the lobby and heading to the city center earlier.

This Sheraton Istanbul Atakoy is the best Sheraton I have been to. Comfortable yet elegant with view if the harbor front. Now I wish we were staying longer.

We headed to the Sultan Ahmet district. It was awesome! Old stone covered allies with small shops. I prayed in the Blue Mosque. We walked the ancient streets and had lunch. We watched a lady weaving carpets. We asked of the price of a beautiful silk carpet where the guy claimed that Turkish carpet was "the original" and not comparable with the Persian rug. It suddenly made me feel betrayed.  Even more so when I saw many other handicrafts claimed of being the originals. I wish we Iranians deserved our heritage more!

I really enjoyed our stroll and I hope to come back, soon! Enshala!

  

Naghsh-e Jahan Square through My iPhone

Beautiful handy crafts albeit skyrocketed prices.

Sheikh Lotfollah Mosque

Sheikh Lotfollah Mosque

Sheikh Lotfollah Mosque

Jaame' Mosque

Jaame' Mosque

Jaame' Mosque

Jaame' Mosque

Jaame' Mosque

Jaame' Mosque

Jaame' Mosque

Jaame' Mosque - it still echoes 7 times under the dome.

Naghsh-e Jahan Square

Belated Merry Christmas

At last I could go around the filters tonight and get access to my blog. Gosh! This trip has flown by too fast! Many talks, many thoughts.  I feel exhausted in fact. My mind is totally scattered I need some peace and quiet to think and reflect.  About where to live, about family, about work, about life.

I'm grateful for the time with family and friends. My A has discovered his cousins! He seems to really enjoy being with them, laughing and playing, and now missing them.

I found my eyes welled with tears this morning thinking about him missing it all. He is going to share my pain and it has been the last thing I wanted for him.

Oh! Lots to say! No chance to write in detail for now. But only some memories to remember via pictures.

Merry Christmas!

Happy 2014!!!

PS: no water in Zayanderood I didn't feel like going to the riverside this time at all. Wish it were different!!!  Hope it gets better!!!

Many decorated Christmas trees a Santa Claus status around the city

I like Isfahan City Center and Hyper Star a lot! Lots to shop for in the same spot.

Diaries of a Wimpy kid is translated to Farsi; very funny translation!

Pepsi and Coke are not part of the sanction! A puzzle!!

First Week Back Home

This is exactly a week since I arrived in Isfahan and exactly 6 days that I have been bedridden due to an awful flu.  I am feeling much better now but still my body is working on gaining energy back.

Blogspot and Facebook are blocked here.  Therefore, I don't have access to my weblog or FB.  As soon as I can install a VPN on my iPhone I will post these notes enshala.

I have been mainly home these days, resting and nesting.  I stopped by at the emergency room one morning and decided not to stay due to the long wait time.  That was the depth of my outing.

One morning, when everyone had left for work, I was standing in my mom's 4th floor apartment and watching the narrow street below. There were cars parked on both sides leaving room for only one car to pass. It was an honor system with traffic from both ways. It was working fine from where I was standing.

Standing at the window I could see all the way to Sofeh mountains and Kolaah Ghazi. It was a bright morning indeed. Then, suddenly, my thoughts were brokn when Mrs E, the middle aged woman who helps my mom with house chores, asked me "is there any hope for Iran?"! I turned around and exclaimed why she asked that. She said "you can see yourself! Things are awful lately. The inflation and the sanction on medicin. I cannot find the meds for my ill son. And when I do, they are very expensive and the insurance refuses to pay the bills after making us wait for six months.".

I listened having nothing to say back.

She continued with a smirk "I tell my daughter that I think Iran is worse than Afghanistan these days". I said I didn't know because I had never been to that region of the world.  She continued with her scrubbing.

I looked through the window again. Cars making their way through the parked cars. People walking back home with bags full of purchased goods. Kids returning from schools. Life was flowing. Yet underneath people were suffering.  Suddenly I thought as if a dust of hopelessness had covered the city.

Damn this sanction!

But nothing will stay the same forever.

Now my M and A have joined us and we have a full house again. I'm feeling better little by little and hope to get out and explore some more.

My little m has her first tooth budding exactly at 24 weeks! Something to celebrate now!

Baby Kangaroo, The Dog, The Fish

There are several new guests arriving in the resort today.  Many speak Arabic and some English not sure where they are from.  I met only one other guy who spoke Farsi and was from Iraq.  I have heard some Hebrew and still the majority speaks Turkish. In fact, the company of these specific flags has fascinated me.

It seems like the Baby K is the only baby in the resort. She attracts lots of attention from men and women alike. People say maashaalaa to her and an older lady when held out her hands to receive her said besmellah. A lady pinned a Turkish dream catcher to her cloth.  All very kind and attentive to her.

In a very short stroll we had around the resort this afternoon a dog joined us in front of the hotel and walked with us all the way. He didn't have any leash or didn't seem owned by anyone but was very well behaved. He posed when I was taking a picture of the Baby K;

Finally, Baby K is really interested in the fish. In fact, the fish are my baby sitters. I leave her by the aquarium and sit down to have a Turkish coffee or some fennel tea.

We are leaving tomorrow. But we hope to come back next summer, all four of us, enshala!

Baby Tigger rather than Baby Kangaroo

Baby Kangaroo slept from 4AM till 1PM last night; i.e. this morning! I was trying for hours before that and no luck. Mama Kangaroo managed 5 hours of intermittent sleep for which she is still thankful.

We got to go to the city for a couple hours. Mama Kangaroo bought a few cloths. Fantastic design and relatively really inexpensive. I shouldn't have been shopped when in US really.

Mama Kangaroo bathed Baby Kangaroo single-pouched-ly! Only if she didn't get as slippery when wet and lathered!!

Mama Kangaroo had to devise an external pouch to feed her right on the bed.

And then Mama Kangaroo got herself a massage. She thought she well deserved it after the whole pregnancy and birth and all the tolls she had paid for this heaven-sent Baby Kangaroo.

Oh and the Baby Kangaroo loves to bounce now! If it was a Winnie the Pooh story she was Tigger rather than Roo.

Baby Kangaroo's 1st Passport Stamp

Baby Kangaroo got her first passport stamp: the Turkish custom.

We boarded in Frankfurt and it took us about three hours to get to Istanbul. The culture change was obvious as early as boarding the plane. People were really adoring my baby and were expressive about it in a different way. At the same time they were negligent about their surrounding. I had to make someone stop on his way for example when I was trying to put my backpack in the overhead bin otherwise everyone was passing right behind me in the narrow plane isle while I was holding the Baby Kangaroo too.

We landed in Istanbul last night around 5pm local time. I felt exhausted and yearned for a bed where I could allow my body to rest even if for an hour. But I knew I won't see a bed for another 6 hour or so.

When we were hopping in the as sway tunnel to the terminal I saw the form of a man waiting at the tunnel with the corridor light behind him. At the second glance I realized that it was my father.

Baby Kangaroo and grandpa met for the first time and Baby Kangaroo was completely content with this new acquaintance.

The Istanbul airport was busier than I ever imagined with many duty free shops many of which were American.  I knew I was in Europe and at the same time I knew I was in middle east.  It was interesting actually how the two cultured were mixed in the airport.  Perhaps it was the combination of brands and lights a d Christmas trees alongside people looking Turkish and some with Islamic attire.

We had a few Turkish Delight that were awesome.  My dad also invited me to ice cream which was fantastic. The sweetness of both were just right and not overpowering the way American sweets are.

Finally we were boarded on a plane again, this time to Ercan in Cyprus.  We are at a sea view suit with the sight and sound of the Meditrenean sea. There is a mountain chain right behind the city strip so the city is between the sea and the mountain which reminds me of Nice. Beautiful!

It looks windy eve though I haven't been outside yet.

The hospitality and professionalism of the staff along with the taste and choices of the breakfast buffet reminds me of Budapest and Iran and South Africa. The service industry has gone south in America compared to all these other places.

Baby Kangaroo slept through the night with only two wakings. At the beginning though she would wake up every time I tried to leave her in bed in order to brush and change so I was chained to her for about two hours. Well. That's the reality of a Mama Kangaroo any way. She seems pretty content otherwise and smiles at all the people around her who seem to adore her much already.

PS: while the lobby pianist was playing Happy Birthday :)

Introducing Mama Kangaroo

I present to you Mama Kangaroo. That, in fact, is me.  I have boarded the plane carrying the little angel in a baby carrier and found myself living the rest of my life carrying her like a kangaroo. So I thought a name change on my birthday could be timely actually.  I had her buckled up in her carrier while I folded her stroller at the door, we boarded with a backpack, a blanket, and my jacket.  Managed to change our seat, carry and then store the stuff we brought on board in the overhead bin, rock her around the cabin while the plane finally decided to move away from the gate, and harness her during take off.  Mama Kangaroo even used the bathroom while baby Kangaroo was in her pouch, looking around the airplane washroom as if she had boarded a shuttle ship.

Frankly at times I felt more like a Mama Octopus.  For example when during take off Baby Kangaroo started acting like she was hungry, again.  It was not feasible to nurse her in that situation of Kangaroo-ness. So instead, I brought down my backpack from the bin with two hands, took out the ziplock of formula supplies I had packed for the occasion with one hand, opened the zipper with another hand, took out the baby bottle with another hand, unscrew the nipple with another hand, shook and then opened the seal of the baby formula with two other hands, poured the formula in the bottle with another hand and screwed the top with yet another hand all the while I was trying to keep the baby Kangaroo calm ... less noisy. It was in the middle of this mission that I felt like an octopus.  But then I thought Mama Kangaroo was more prestigious.

Mama Kangaroo! That's me.

Mama Kangaroo In the Air

Hi again! It's me. Mama Kangaroo. Baby Kangaroo is asleep, laying in a bassinet while wrapped in her blanket.

I'm glad daddy gave me the blanket in the last minute, I hadn't planned to take it from the car but its great that I have it. They gave me a United blanket which is fine to cover the not-so-clean bassinet but not nearly suitable for Baby Kangaroo.  I wiped the whole thing down with Clorox wipes. (Well my dear A.M., seems like even the easy going Mama Kangaroo can feel uneasy at times ;) ) Then I laid the thick big blanket on top of it. It covers then bottom and all the sides. Perfect thinking daddy!

I have a fantastic news to share: I have an isle seat and the seat beside me is unoccupied. Well, at least not occupied with a human. Here is a photo from earlier so you get a sense:

Baby Kangaroo has made friends with the old couple on the other side of the isle and ALL the flight attendants. She already bas a United pin. She has explored the economy plus and economy cabins peeking over her pouch, she has had one special baby meal and had several nursing sessions, and already p--ped three times.  They might all have been only one p--p but since Mama Kangaroo is worried about diaper rash and unexpected turbulences that would glue us buckled up in the seats, she has been changing the Baby Kangaroo at the first sign of anything.

OK. Enough of the P word stories.

I have stocked on chilled boiled water while airborne: As soon as Baby Kangaroo fell in a deep enough sleep to be transferred to the bassinet I headed to the galley and requested two cups of hot water. I kept them on the seat tray to chill for the possible future formula events. I'm out of the liquid kind. They were too heavy to pack more than two of. I have the pouched dry kind that again was provided by daddy. I have not been a baby formula expert. But I suspect I will become one after this trip ;) I aimed the air nozzles on the cups of hot water to help them chill faster and finally poured them in the baby bottle and an extra container I'm carrying with me.  So far no spill overs. Score!

Gosh I'm hungry. I managed having a little of my lunch with my left hand while nursing Baby Kangaroo. Oh! They turned the lights back on. Breakfast time. Uh oh! Baby Kangaroo is wiggling in her bassinet.  She shall be up soon.

The 1st Day of the Last Month 2013

At long last m's and my stuff are packed for a four-week trip.  We are headed to Istanbul and then Ercan in Cyprus for a few days of absolute vacation.  It was a last minute invite from my dad.  I'm excited and worried and melancholic about it. Excited because it will be my first time in Cyprus and I marvel in visiting new places. Worried because it is m's first plane ride and long distance trip and I am the only adult in charge. Melancholic because M and A won't be with us and I will miss them badly I'm sure.

We will then all travel to Isfahan to introduce my little angel to the rest of the family. I can't wait to be at my mom's!

Given my two segmented trip and traveling with an infant it took me a couple days to pack. I'm almost done thanks to M who came to the rescue in the last hours.

I will be traveling on my birthday. I had travelled on my birthday before, twice, but both times I was traveling home. This time I am leaving home which makes me feel lonely on my special day.  My new boss has asked for a breakfast meeting on the day too which adds to the anxieties of the eminent trip.

I am looking back at the year that was granted to me:

Last year at around this time I was awfully busy with work and awfully nauseous with pregnancy.

This year at around the same time I have launched two products globally, have hired a direct report to help with my busy works and help me grow in management, and have more launched and product developments to look forward too. I have a 23 week young baby girl. And I have a healthy family and loving friends.  I am thankful for it all!

This year I have new visions and aspirations for future. I'm praying for the best. I'm looking forward to it all!  May God have the future easy on us!

Happy December!

Welcome Home Mommy

I came home late from a long day at work to find my M feeding my little m.  As soon as my little angel heard me she started laughing and pumping her fist and kicking her leg while laying in her rocker.  She obviously was very excited and happy even to have heard my voice. When I picked her up she started "talking" by making very sweet noises and sometimes squeaking excitedly.  She contently stayed with me while I carried her around and even as I ate my dinner.  I was telling M about my day and she made noises in response.  She was very sweet and even though I missed her and I felt bad knowing that she had missed me too it was one of the best mommy moments in my life!

Christmas Hanukkah Yalda

Since Christmas coincides nicely with the longest night of the year that we celebrate as Yalda we decided to give Yalda cards for the holidays this year and hopefully for the years to come.

I have realized that Hanukkah is being advertised and celebrated more publicly these days. I think it rhymes very nicely with the festivities of the Christmas Holidays. At around the same time we Iranians celebrate Yalda, the winter solstice, the longest night of the year. We celebrate the light conquering the darkness. We recognize that even though till then the length of night was increasing, from then on the length of the day increases and spring is in sight. We cherish how darkness, even though trying, can never prevail. We celebrate the hope and beauty of light.

It is as if we are keeping all these meanings and celebrations to ourselves. It is indeed a Persian celebration but how nicely it alludes into the spirit of Christmas and Hanukkah.  Yalda is more ancient than them both and  I think Yalda can very well be recognized more widely.  How about giving away Yalda cards for the holidays?

Imagine a card with the pictures of pomegranate and Hafez and Shahnameh poetry books and nuts in the middle of red and green cards of Santa Claus and blue and white cards with Menorah.  It will be festive, peaceful, united, and global. It will be understanding and accepting. It will expand horizons and exude friendship.
I wish you all happy holidays in advance!
 

http://www.iranreview.org/content/Documents/Celebrating_Yalda_2.htm

Add http://live.longhill.org.uk/?p=7193

http://www.localnomad.com/en/blog/2012/12/05/why-decorate-the-christmas-tree/

Missing Me when Missing You

I miss you and I miss me through you.  I miss how you look at me because I miss how I look to you.  I miss how you make me feel. I miss how you make me talk. I miss how you make me feel heard.

I miss being with you.  Perhaps I miss being me.

People are not Always Listened To

We were blessed with rain yesterday. It rained well into the night.  It was lively and refreshing. Particularly after the hazy grey day we had the day before as if dust had covered the horizon. I can imagine the fresh morning of tomorrow.

It amazes me how people of sunny California express dislike toward rain, even hate sometime. It amazes me how ignorant they can be toward the fact that we need the water if assuming that is the only benefit. People believe that they are entitled to have sunny days in California. They don't care about rain; they know somehow from somewhere water will flow from faucets even though we get drought warning almost every summer.

Thank God for the rain! Thank God for the compassionate sky which like it or not will send rain drops to the thirsty ground so humans can drink and refresh. Thank God that people are not always listened to.