Saturday, December 3, 2016

Newness

I was born. I was loved. I was abandoned. I was taken care of. I was wronged. I was guided. I was cursed. I was nurtured. I was left to wallow in guilt.
I grew up. 
I learned to cope, to hide my emotions, to support the family no matter what. To study and thrive and grow more independent.
I grew up.
I moved away and I yearned for the love I was deprived from. I built a new life and rebuilt it and built it yet again. I kept silencing my true needs and feelings. I felt guilty every time I desired the forsaken childhood I was deprived from.  I talked myself to sleep at nights. I screamed at my childhood in the restless nights of my adulthood.
I grew up.
I saw my fears. I surrendered to them. Finally, I faced my fears. And I came out of this more knowing and accepting.
I am leaning now what I desired was real. I'm learning now that what I yearned for is my right. I am learning now that I was indeed wronged and I deserve to feel mad and not feel guilty about it.
I'm also learning that it is my life, now, here, and no place for that childhood. No room for that adult.  They are embedded in me, but they are not me.
I grew up. 
It is my time now. To cherish what I really am. To look for the Divine within and around. To be and not to act. To take the control of my life.
It's my time, now, and forever, to reinvent my life. 

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An emigrant from an ancient civilization to North America, an engineer in marketing and management, a mom of working kind, who thinks when she talks, and who likes to write. I, L.B., own the copyright to the content.