Unpredictability

Mr Elegance is a newly discovered friend. I know him for more than two years now but we never chatted like now. I think it all started with him reviewing my and my friends' posts in facebook and inquiring about the meaning of "joon"; the phrase we add after each others name at the beginning of our conversations to show our respect and friendship to the person, like "darling". He calls me "midnight joon" now and also "my only Iranian friend". Honestly that makes me a bit concerned. I am not sure why but I do not necessarily like to be coming across as all Iranian. I think there are other unique stuff about me that matters. It is charming nonetheless and gladly I do not think that is all he sees in me either. What intrigues me about him is his honest remarks and curiosity about my background. Again, it is hard really to try to convey which part of me is my background culture and which part is really all me: a mixture of persona, different cultures I have lived in, inner self, learning, and original thoughts . True though, ones culture affects her personality a lot.

He knew I was struggling with a subject for a couple of nights last week and when I explained to him what that was after the fact he exclaimed it was a trivial matter in the "grand scheme of life". I contemplated on that and I cannot agree with him more. I felt a new appreciation for the grand scheme of life today.

The fact is that the more I get to talk to him the less I think I know him. He is interestingly capricious. On the other hand I have told him so much about myself, my background, my choices in life, my concerns, my dilemmas, I feel vulnerable to some extent. I feel I have lost the unpredictability of the rabbit; the way don Juan had advised Carlos Castaneda; "it is more exciting not to know which bush the rabbit is hiding behind than to behave as though we know everything". I don't think I need to worry about this with him though.

Last night, interestingly, I even surprised my M and I really enjoyed it. The subject was nothing to brag about but the fact that there are nuances in my reactions that are even unrecognized to my M was refreshing.