Second Night - Cape Town

It was a great day today! We had a very short sleep last night due to insomnia and jet lag. Got to have a quick breakfast and then a car ride to the Paarl wine land. There were two other couples joining us. We all got on horses and rode through the vineyards inStellenbosch. It was magnificent. My horse back riding experience was much better this time compared to my last more than a decade ago. We planned on a quick lunch but it lasted us 1.5 hours. It was hard to rush to eat where we were, in the middle of the vineyards surrounded by mountains and a cool breeze and a great food and nice company. The other couple stayed for wine tasting but we head back in the hope to go to Table Mountain. Alas it got shut down again. So we made a quick visit to the waterfront market, got A a post card for 5 Rands, found the post office, and mailed it. Rushed back to the hotel to change and down we got for a bus ride to the mdinner venue: the Gold of Africa Museum. We got greeted with drinks with floating gold flakes on the top. Then a drum call similar to what we had at Global Sale Meeting earlier this year and it was still lots of fun. A quick tour of the museum with many gold. And finally African dinner and dance and music by performers. Amazing culture!! A salt bath and sleeping time. It is right past midnight in cape town. Goeienag! (good night in Afrikaans)

First Night

I think I can sleep tonight. M and I both took a nap in the afternoon and when we got up I felt much much better, thank God. We just missed the whole afternoon while it was still light outside but I am grateful for the rest and hopeful all will be fine tomorrow. We had a reception with the whole president club winners and their spouses. It was a nice gathering and everyone was warm and friendly. Every body else, except the president, are from sales and some have been to trips and other year president club trips before; I am the only person from marketing; yet we had a rather good evening. The shark cage excursion has for sure canceled for tomorrow. We are exploring other options. We got to chat with A tonight thanks to the house alarm going off! He came home this afternoon after two night of sleep over and will be cared for by a stay at home nanny and a baby sitter. He was shaken and wanted to talk to daddy about the very loud alarm and the reason why it went off despite him pressing the right key. Then he walked away from the camera to watch a cartoon. He was fine though. Knowing him, he will be fine just to be at home where everything is under his control. All the rest of the group have also left kids behind. Most of them with their parents. Some have younger kids even; all are concerned but content. I think I am over analyzing stuff in my head any way. I pray for him to be safe and well. Thankfully our friends with whom he stayed had all good things to say about him. That is prideful and I thank God for that. Good night!

Arrived - Cape Town

I got to cross the equator for the first time and here we are, for the first time in the continent of Africa. The airport is on the east of the famous Table Mountain, a mountain with 3km of flat plateau on the top. We had a car service from the airport to the hotel where we shared the shuttle with our president of the company and his wife. They are both very warm and friendly and it was a pleasure to share the ride together. We arrived at Queen Victoria Hotel. The nice M.E., our event manager, was at the lobby to greet us. We got checked in and guided to our room. The staff are very polite and attending again. What has not become ordinary to my eyes is the patterns. The giraffe pattern of the carpet, the zigzag pattern on the chair. The big five on the currency notes which is really cute, like the lion on the 100 Rand. I could sleep in the plane for about 3 hours and got up stuffed and sneezing. And now I feel sick in my stomach. But hopefully it will go away soon. We were thinking to go for a tour of the Table Mountain, even got tickets, but then g to informed that because of the strong wind they had shut it down for the afternoon. It is likely that due to very high waves we won't be able to go to shark cage either. We shall wait and see. We got to talk to our friends whom A is staying with. Our friend E.S. had kindly sent us a couple pictures of A, all happy and content. It was a very thoughtful gesture and we really appreciated it. He is not talking on the phone though which is nothing new; he never was good with phone communications. He just talked very briefly yesterday when we called him from London. Yet it makes me feel insecure with his thoughts and feelings. I want to think that he will appreciate a conversation in a while.

Air - London to Cape Town

It is in the middle of the night. M is asleep, thanks to the sleeping pill. And our president and his wife who are sitting in the row in front of us seem also quite. I feel tired but can't sleep yet. The dinner in the plane was unexpectedly great! Granted I was hungry. Yet it was unmistakably good!! A tasty mushroom and apple soup artisticly seasoned and a very fresh salad. The flight attendant is really attending and polite. It seems like he doesn't feel that he is doing you a service, he seems to like to serve and satisfy. It is a refreshing experience actually, especially after flying United. I watched Carnage and The Descendent and The Muppets. Liked The Descendent very much. Made my eyes tearful at times. Thankfully we got to go to London for a couple hours and we had the honor of meeting my dear Sh.K. And her family, and particularly got acquainted with their lovely 1.5 year old son. It was too short but too sweet a visit.

On Board to London

It feels like I have left part of my heart behind. A is probably at the kids concert right now with our friends and their kids; yet I cannot stop but wonder: is he happy? What is he thinking about this trip of both of his parents with him left behind? I know it is strange, this feeling inside, as I have gone through this exact leg of trip to London in the past summer for a week of business travel. And I was fine. I did miss him but I was looking forward to the experience, even to being away for a few days. This is a proof to me of how much I am relying on M while I am gone. Now, because of all of his past support he gets to go to this trip of a life time with me and I am thrilled, yet I cannot ease my head about A. I shall let go and let God, as Wayne Dyer might say. I pray for his well being and his heart to have a great experience with himself... I am thinking about him none stop though. I know I will want to buy anything I see if I find it interesting to him. But I won't. M and I will meet my dear Sh.K. In London Ina few hours. And of course her husband and now 1.5 year old son. So looking forward to this visit.

On Way to "Trip of a Life Time"

Bitter ... Sweet ...
Bitter missing A.
Sweet being with M.
Bitter missing A.
Sweet experiencing a far far away land.
Bitter missing A.
Sweet submerging in a land of unknown with totally foreign languages.
Bitter missing A.
Sweet being in the south hemisphere for the first time.
Bitter missing A.
Sweet getting to see the sunrise in the safari.
Bitter missing A.
Sweet getting to see all these majestic animals up close.
Bitter missing A.
Sweet getting the time to contemplate on the beautiful land of God.

A Midnight Working Mom

A's backpack - check
A's carry-on - check
Mommy's backpack - check
Mommy's luggage - check
A's booster seat - check
A - check
Mommy - check

This is how I started and concluded my most recent business trip.

I had to go to San Diego to visit a customer.  The order had come from above from the Director of Sales.  Of course, I always jump at any excuse to go to where my dear R.N. is anyway; right now it happens to be San Diego.
The meeting was set for a Monday afternoon at the beginning of A's Spring Break.  Add to all these another fact: The Legoland is just north of San Diego and A and I had never been there.

So, a mommy and sunny son weekend getaway was engineered to be followed by a business meeting.

A and I left Bay Area in Saturday afternoon and headed straight to R.N.'s house in San Diego where I got greeted by a cup of artfully made chai, mmm mmm.  R.N. and one other friends of hers had crafted a surprise birthday party for yet another dear friend.  Soon after our arrival we started getting ready for this Hawaii themed surprise birthday party.  At one point me, R.N., and the birthday girl, who thought we were just heading out to dinner for her birthday, were standing in front of a mirror making the last alterations to our make ups and hair dues.  We make recommendations on colors and liners once in a while; we learned new tricks and tested new trends; we all looked sharp and nice; such fun time it is to be spent with all the girls!

The joyful Hawaiian-themed birthday party had Persian food, Indian music and dance, and all sorts of people from around the globe.  This is California!

The next day R.N. made me yet another cup of artfully made chai and A and I headed to the Legoland.  We got there just a few minutes past the opening time and spent more than 7 straight hours hopping from one ride to another.  A particularly enjoyed the Build and Test time where he made several different kinds of cars and raced them and won the race 90% of the time.  He learned the concept of symmetry and the magic it imposes in guiding the car to slide down straight rather than biased to one side or the other.  He got to ride a junior car all by himself which was such fun he rode it twice.  We rode the dinasour ride and the dragon ride and the free-fall ride.  I realized that I am not as fearless as a few years ago about the rides.  Yet, after overcoming my anxiety in the first ride, I like to have more and more adrenalin pumps.  Still, I doubt if I would appreciate many of the Six Flag rides in a few years when he prefers to go there. A played a game and won a stuffed animal, a green turtle.

The next day I worked for most of the day while A made himself busy with different activities and many episodes of Wallace and Gromit on Netflix.  We enjoyed an ocean view lunch in The Goldfish Point Cafe.  A got to see his favorite sea animal, the seals.  My business trip meeting got conducted successfully and finally R.N., A, and I had dinner in a local diner by the ocean.

Tuesday morning we headed back to the Bay Area.


A's backpack - check
A's carry-on - check
Mommy's backpack - check
Mommy's luggage - check
A's booster seat - check
A - check
Mommy - check
Turtle - check


I hope my A reads these one day; just to know how I marvel in being with him, and how I am filled with happiness when I see joy in his eyes.

The Hunger Games (2012)

Ingeniously guile; Vainly hopeful!

Oh the man's vanity; timeless! endless!

The Hunger Games depicts a future nation, where hovercrafts and hovering spaceships seem to be the main means of transportation, where people still seem to live in families with parents and children, where there is still a Mr President to choose the destiny of the people, where there is this antidote ointment that cures a third degree burn in the matter of hours.

Then in this world the eyelashes are "beautified" with make up to pink and purple and green and blue, and attached pair of crafted leaves, or tiny butterflies.

Well, eyelashes are supposed to be black I think.  They are more beautiful in my eyes when they are more black than not, and in the words of many poets that I know.

Unnatural Hair-dues and hair colors are already not too foreign even in our time; the unnatural hair colors are already natural.

That all makes me ponder on the sense of art and beauty.  Does it change as human evolves?

Then there seems to be backwardly kept places in this future time where people actually look like people but they are bred to play in an annual game for the amusement of the butterflied-eye-lash-ed people of the Capitol.  A game where the contestants get chosen to use their survival skills to win a life of hunger, with only one to win, with all the rest to die or to get killed.  Mr President and the director of the game choose how to manipulate the scenes, of course, how to create creatures with the tap of a finger, they choose to act like God.

I fear this future.  I get it.  IF.  If the world gets to this point.  If the life becomes a game (isn't it?) and then if that game becomes a matter of survival(wasn't it for ever?).  If the looks of the children of man become so unnatural.  If the colors get used so mixed up.
But why should one think like this; genius!  One should sit down and create such an ugly world and engineer such a cleverly cunning game. Then many read that created book and then many manufacture a movie based on it and then many want to pay to spend a few hours of their precious lives watching it.  That makes me wonder actually. "Hope is stronger than fear"!  Indeed.  Yet why should one breed anymore to have a blue-eye-lashed child or a child to battle a hunger game?

Indeed, this is nothing new.  Human being seems to always have felt some sort of satisfaction by observing distress of others; especially when they can choose, with the turn of a finger, the destiny of another man:
The combats of gladiators with another man or a beast;
fast forward to hockey where head and face injury is the norm in the life of the players and is marveled by the heart of many observers,
fast forward to future, where "The World is Watching" The Hunger Games.

The Hope in Secretly Wishing

There is hope; as long as you desire, as long as you long.  There is the hope for your wishes to come true, one day, somehow.
There is hope while keeping these desires and longing a secret.
However, once the secret is revealed, when the exposed secret wishes are granted, they are accompanied with ingenuity.
Then, there remains no hope that one day, somehow, the wishes will come true.  The hope is replaced with resentment.

My Recent School Activities

A Farm Field Trip
I volunteered and then got picked to be one of the five chaperons to take the class to a farm to watch the newly born farm animals last week.  I had five kids to watch, A included of course.  Mind you, it was a draining and humbling experience to watch a chaotic group; got me to appreciate teachers even more!!  There were no naughty kid in my group, no teasing, no messing around, there were just five kids; and are unpredictable.  It was a rather cold day too but it was an awesome experience.  A was thrilled.  Not only because the school started later that day but also because his mom was going to be with him at school and through the day trip.  He had a blast for sure.  Thank God we had no accident in our group.  At one point though C ran away and me and the Farm Lady had to run after him and bring him back.  I like C very much!  He is a shorter boy in the class, he talks with a little bit of a stutter and a bit of face twitch, and he is very bright and sensitive.  All in all, glad I could make the trip; not sure if I will do it again.

Art Vistas
I volunteered for the Art Vistas session in April; I am done with it today and it was a very easy day.  First off it was on the Good Friday when our company has it as a holiday.  So I leisurely went to school not worrying about all the unattended emails and phone calls from the offive.  Then, I hardly had any responsibility except to prepare the desks with art papers and then walk around and observe and comment on the drawings. The subject was Houses.  And the kids came up with very imaginative house ideas.  A's was The Rainbow House.  There were a bunch of Boat Houses.  There was a shapeless black mass in the middle of a blue background drawn by T, he said it was a Wobbly House and he thought you could FEEL that it wobbled! T is the scientist in the class, I can tell; and he is going to win the Physics Olympiad one day, we shall wait and see.  My favorite though was drawn by N, it was a green house with a purple window and a brown chimney and no door.  He said proudly "it has no door because you need to put up a ladder and climb down the chimney".  Loved the idea!!
Later during recess my C boy had an accident in the sandbox where sand got into his eyes.  His tears broke my heart.  He is such an innocently lovely boy!  He went to the nurses office and came back happily of course.  That is what being 5-6 year old mean.
The other news of the day was how F's mom, who was also volunteering, told me that F had a crush on A!!  That she thought he was very cute.  That at first she had said that she liked A very much and later had said that she loved A!!  Oh my!  But you know?  F is the cutest most precious girl in the class if you ask me.  She always dresses very nicely and cares about her appearance.  She knows she is cute.  I think her mom is originally from far east and his dad is Caucasian white so she has very big black eyes and the cutest face.  So, as the mother of the boy, I am actually giddy about this!!  Gosh I can imagine F's mom is not as happy being the mother of the girl.  Especially since A is such an indifferent boy in the class!!
I think I am done with my school assignments this year.  Next will be the end of school art exhibition or something that I am planning to go in June.

A Nicely Soar Duo

M and I went to a badminton court yesterday and played for an hour while A was at his Farsi school.  There were two other friends with us.  It was indeed refreshing!  The last time M and I had played together was way before A was born.  It was M's suggestion to resume the activity and turned to a really nice experience all around.  But of course today I was soar in particular parts of my body; still it was a pleasantly soar sizdah be dar, the thirteenth day of the Persian New Year!

Cinderella Ice Cream

One on my dearest friends, D.G., had told me that the best Pistachio Ice cream was in Santa Cruz.  I had my best Green Tea ice cream there, so it was easy to believe.  He had also suggested that one of the longer days of summer when the sun sets quite late we could make a stop at the creamy on our way to the weekly meeting with friends and try one.  We always carpool together and to get to the meeting, we go past Santa Cruz.
Last night, we carpooled to the meeting again and this time D.D. was carpooling with us too.  Coming back from the Circle around 11:40 we missed our exit to HWY17 because I was talking with D.G. and he got distracted.  He kindly assured me that there was no reason to be sorry and that the next highway U-turn would bring us back on track.  Two minutes after we were at a point of decision: straight would take us to Santa Cruz and the creamery, U-turn would bring us on HWY17.  He asked which one I would choose.  I looked at him puzzled: "are they open now?" "I believe they are open till midnight" he responded.  "Straight ahead!" I replied giddily; and turned to D.D.: "I suppose you are going to have an ice cream tonight"; he sounded happy.
So, in two minutes, a party of three entered the shop and from all the exotic flavors all ordered the Cardamom Pistachio flavor; I requested a two flavor cup so I could add the ginger flavor to it; there was a special significance to that flavor...  Ah! It was amazing!  I was so pleased with the unexpected treat!  And the suggestion manifested way before the summer too!
We sat down a while so D.G. would finish his because he had to hold the wheel driving back; until a polite shop keeper approached: "we are closing".  It was midnight.  We had to leave the shop right at the strike.  It felt like experiencing a Cinderella ice cream :)  Rest assured D.G.'s car did not convert to pumpkin after the twelfths strike.

Joy

What I felt today at the retreat: joy.

God is resembled through everything and everyone; to accept and respect everyone's understanding.
To keep the channel that God flows through cleanse.

This is indeed a happily structured world.  It is only through this life that we get to learn to love Him.
To be content with God is to know it is all from Him; and anything from Him is a blessing.
Pain and sickness ... sent to us by God.  All is beautiful.
To love God is to Love those who talk us down.
To be aware of the afflictions of our hearts and ask God to be the witness to them.
There is a time to be near, there is a time to be far; to accept our humane aspects in this life and within this Love.
...
I think I am typing what resembled with my heart the most, and what I can share.
...
I had the honor to hear Cemalnour a few years ago; back then I thought I understood what she said.  Then on Saturday she repeated some of the stories and meanings she had shared with us back then and I realized I had not understood the meaning back then, as my realization was different this time.  So, I am sure I didn't fully comprehend her this time.   This is a happy realization.  I am not dead, I am still growing.  This is part of my growth I hope, and because I am a human, a faulty human who will never become perfect, but strives for it.

Yaa Hu

Becoming Fully Nothing

It was a majestic night, in the arms of the Beloved, in presence of all these great men and women of God.

My life in front of my eyes. As though all the talks were a response to a prayer, a yearning, a question.

Being there with my friends of the heart and the true and worldly teachers was a true blessing.

All the below notes are quotations from the discussions:

Being a Human is: Letting go of intellect and becoming intimate. Being told off by another person, the question why, and the response from Mathnawi that to become really clean one needs to get wet. Becoming purely nothing to reflect the real beauty. The world is truly a happy place; our perceptions make the idea of suffering. Our happiness and well being does not require things to be in a certain way. Becoming fully human is to be; and to close the eye that sees the bad in others. Everyone is a manifestation of God, so whom can we hate? Real modesty is not to be angry at people who talk behind our back. And He is with you wherever you are.

Yaa Hu

Happy Spring!

With all the best wishes for a happy, healthy, wealthy, and successful Persian New Year for all!

It was a nice New Year celebration with my family this year.

Like years before we took a haft-seen to A's school.  He had a blast conducting the introductions with me.  He seemed to enjoy being in charge of the class for 20 minutes.

Weekend Commute

She was watching outside the window from her window seat.  The train was going west toward the woods.
It seemed to be raining in the woods on top of the hills, she could tell with the dark shadows on the trees out there.
She put on her iPod and opened her book but continued watching outside her window.
She was smiling, listening to the "On The Beautiful Blue Danube" Waltz, swaying slightly at her neck and shoulders with the rhythm.  Closed her eyes.  Da raa raa raam raa raam ...
She felt a slight force to open her eyes; there was a young looking man sitting on the opposite sit on the other side of the train staring directly at her with a slight smile.  She smiled back and looked down on her book to find herself forced to look up again. He was still staring at her with the same smile.  Oh!  Strange she thought, and looked out the window, sheepishly lowered the volume on her iPod.  But it was the crescendo; the excitement was unbearable; she tapped her foot on the floor still looking outside the window.
The train was approaching a station.  Silent in her ears.  Next song.
She was looking outside at the station; what she was listening to was a classic concerto; what she was looking at was a modern station she thought.
As soon as she turned away from the window she found the man standing by her seat. "May I?" he asked.  Shockingly she looked at him and shook her head.  Polite, she thought.
He was carrying a book himself, and a shoulder bag which he put down on the floor in front of his feet.  What she was listening to was conducted by a great man at a majestic music hall; whom she was looking at was a curious weekend commuter she thought.
He sat down and opened his book.  She turned toward the window again.  "Pieces de Viole".
It was raining now.
He reached down and grabbed something from his bag.  "Chocolate?" he asked.  She looked down at the wrapping.  "Masala chocolate".  A blue-eyed blond man having a masala flavored chocolate bar in a train on a rainy weekend day??!  "Sure!  Thanks!!"
She cracked a piece and brought it to her nose.  Chocolaty, spicy, creamy.
"May I ask what you were listening to?"  "Oh!  When?  I am not sure."  She unplugged the earpieces and gave him the iPod.  He shuffled around.  Paused at a couple of the songs on her "classic" collection.  Smiled again, his eyebrows were raised.
"Neat!" he exclaimed.  And returned the iPod.  Then opened his book, took out the bookmark, and put it beside him in between them.  She put on her music again and watched out of the window.  It was darker outside.  She could see her reflection on it; she brought one finger to her lower lip, it felt as soft as it looked in her reflection she thought.  A soft symphony.
"See you later!".  He was standing up to leave.  They were at a station.  She looked up and shook her head.
Next song.
Mozart.
How come they didn't talk more than a few words?  She was preoccupied with her music, that is why.  But it was because of her music that he wanted to talk to her in the first place, no?  Who was he anyway?  Masala chocolate and a shoulder bag on a Saturday.
Her stop.  She put away all her belongings into her bag.  She looked around.  His bookmark on the seat beside her.  A business card.  His business card?
She stepped out of the train.  It was raining indeed in the woods.

New People; New Self Vision

Meeting new people provides the opportunity to see oneself from another angle.
May be that is one reason I like meeting new people and mingling with new crowds.  Especially out of the work environment, beyond the politics and competition.
People see you in a new light and usually during the first couple meetings people are likely to share their opinions about you.  Usually these are positive opinions; otherwise, if the perception is not positive, I would think they wouldn't be meeting again beyond the first or second meeting.
I realized how I had lost touch with this new people vision from other angle recently.  Partly because I was too entangled with recent events in my life that I was not expanding beyond the events and I was not opening up to new opportunities.
Indeed I like meeting new people; it boosts my energy and self realization; may be that is why I am very comfortable with meeting new people in the planes or at new places.  I admit though, I always prefer to take the second step not the first.
I am enjoying my recent reviews from the recent acquaintances.

End of The Winter Thoughts

With every pain there is a new birth they say.
May be the earth is aching right now.
The morning are the freshest; all the buds, flowers, blossoms, lawns.
The wild flowers abound at the sides of the highways.
All is fresh.  New.

I am cherishing my recent accomplishments; I am thriving with having my feelings at check, observing them, recognizing them, cherishing them.  It was beautiful our discussion in The Circle last Saturday.  How we need to be observant of our thoughts and desires at every moment.
My accomplishments with regards to A and M; how to deal with their needs and emotions.
My accomplishments at work; my recent prize and upcoming trip to South Africa.  I feel excited about it.  Very much so.  I anticipate that the two-day stay in the bush will be very different; looking at the part of the world I never had the chance to witness.  I have had several thank you notes and well done pats in the back from the higher management lately and I am grateful for the attention.  To be honest, I do not think I am doing things differently, I just have been granted the opportunity to present me, and it has been, thank God, received very nicely.

When I am in the midst of it all, I find life very complex sometimes, with all the people, all their motifs, all their feelings, all their politics.
Yet, when I sit back in my head or heart and observe what is happening in front of my eyes, I find the scenery quite simple, mundane sometimes.  Like observing a busy playground.

I do miss my parents as we get closer to Nowruz.  I cannot say I am missing the Nowruz holidays, I have almost forgotten how it was to be on holidays for almost two weeks; it feels too far away.  But I still wish I could visit my parents for the new year.  And my family really.

It is a beautiful spring, I have a feeling that it will be nice year full of growth. With every pain there is a new birth they say, and birth shall follow growth.  Amen!

A Proud Mommy Moment

We went for a late afternoon hike yesterday in Vasona Park. A had decided to ride his scooter since we had proposed the hiking idea to him. We were walking by the lake and he was scooting along. Then there was this off-ramp he had to go down. The steep road ended into a main road with bikes and pedestrians zooming along and then there was the lake itself.  Daddy warned him to slow down but it was too late, he was already speeding.  He had to act quick and think even quicker. He was speeding and I could hear him say aaa ... aaa ... .  He got very close to the end of the road where he had to turn right and merge into the main road otherwise, the lake. Daddy was already running down after him with the desperate hope to catch him before he falls. I was just walking down trying to think what he should be thinking.  Surprisingly, he managed to turn right!  Two feet to the bottom and he managed to turn tight! Wow! And just a second after that his scooter whirled and he lost control. He got thrown off of his scooter. The scooter went left and he flew  on to the ground with a after shock when his chick bumped on the ground. Ouch! My heart ached for his pain! Daddy got there with wide open eyes and completely worried look, tried to help him get up. A turned his head back, I could see in his eyes that he was more shocked than hurt. He was not sure  if to cry. I got down smiling "it was just like skiing wasn't it?". "yeah" he responded and his eyes sparkled. Daddy straightened the scooter and rode it himself to try the break. It was working. He then reminded him how to use it. A heard him, got on and zoomed away! His chick was completely red and scratched. In the next stop we compressed his skin with the iced water bottles we had brought from home. After an hour of playing in the play ground and scooting around we were walking back when we got to the same off-road steep ramp. To my utmost surprise and honor he claimed "I wanna see if I can manage this time" and he walked his scooter up the ramp. Of course daddy and I were staying down to catch him if needed. This time, he had a complete and honorary landing! Oh! Was I proud!

Courage

"Rules are less important than exceptions in chess" say Dr Kroger to Helene, in Queen to Play (2009).
I watched the for the first time two years ago in my trip back from Toronto.  I remember after it ended I watched it again.  I am watching it yet again now in the 30-minute intervals I spend on the Elliptical every other day.
This woman, Helene (Sandrine Bonnaire) is playing the role of an obedient punctual desire-less house-wife in a working-class family.  His husband, although handsome in her eyes, is all about work and manly leisure.  The wife is trapped within this imagery she has made of herself:  This selfless obedient punctual desire-less working house-wife.  But she is brave enough to realize that she is unhappy.  She knows she can do more.  But she has her doubts.  Can she do something for herself for a change?
She is a maid in a beautiful hotel overlooking a beautiful sea; she rides her bike to the hotel every day to clean and tidy the rooms.  One day, cleaning a room, she observes a seemingly happy and satisfied couple playing chess in the trace of their hotel room, absorbed in their game and glancing over each other lustfully.  It is as if they are in a platonic foreplay the only physical act of which is their interlacing fingers.
Full of doubts she decides to give chess a try.  Her husband is no way near being interested and her girlfriends do not know how to play.  Her only game mate becomes Dr Kroger (Kevin Klein), a lonely and cranky American who lives in that village and Helene cleans his house once a week.
"In small but significant ways, “Queen to Play” defies expectations. It dangles the possibility of an affair between Hélène and Kröger in games that the film likens to courtship rituals in a classic screwball comedy. But their flirtation is never physically consummated."

She doubts herself, yet she is brave enough to quietly continue with her game.  She gives up once because of her husbands jealousy over her game and her spent time at Korger's.  But through her daughters encouragement even her husband starts admiring and supporting her.  Her satisfaction transforms her dull relationship with her husband and daughter.  But above all, her relationship with her true self.

"Rules are less important than exceptions in chess".