The audition

About five months ago we were approached by a studio Representative in a mall we were walking at. It was the third time I was asked to put A's name in the list to be contacted for modelling. They always needed kids older than three and I refused for other reasons as well. That day the lady really insisted and promised to call later when A was older but still That day I accepted.

Then, last week, I got a call from the studio and after much hesitation and contemplation we finally decided to go. Our audition was scheduled for Saturday morning.

We were there a few minutes late. The room was filled with kids and their parents, the youngest was at least three and the oldest sixteen.

Finally the catwalk show began. All the kids went on a line to climb on the platform. They were supposed to walk to their spot, then announce their name and age, then walk back and wave to the audience.

A did a marvelous job: he climbed on the platformed and every body clapped, intuitively he smiled at the audience comfortably and walked to his spot. He announced his name and then showed number three with his fingers in response to the question about his age. He is not really three but that was close enough. He walked back and waved to the audience. Such a nice job he did and so proud we were to see him act like that.

Turned out in the end that he was too Young. They might contact us again in six months. We would not be expecting any thing but the experience was a unique one for us all.

New project: Shopping Online

This was a new experience: shopping for cloths and shoes, online!
The result: marvelous!

• You can browse the online store based on your criteria rather than walking all the isles in a real store to find sth similar to what is in your mind
• You don't need to schedule for M and A to either be with you or not be with you at the time of shopping
• When you get what you ordered, instead of imagining how it would fit with the rest of the attire while trying it in a store fitting room, you grab the rest of outfit from your own closet and set and match as desired
• You can always return what you end up not liking or what dose not fit

Conclusion: It was a successful project

In an empty night
All that you can wish for
Is pure presence

Namjoo

We treated ourselves to Namjoo's solo concert last night, we being M and myself thanks to Parsa and his family who took care of A while we were gone. We met a few friends there which was sweet, and then had a great time listening to Namjoo's masterpieces. As Siamak puts it, he is a genius. Really versatile while reflecting his true feelings and emotions through his voice and setar or guitar. What really made me happy was that M also liked him and his play, he was not very much into his works before that. And A had a very nice time at Parsa's place, kissing every one when leaving and telling us that he had played with Parsa joyfully.

sacred secret

Sometime you want to write about something to reveal your feeling towards it, love and affection, or dislike and dismay. The feeling is so pure and intact you want it unveiled.

Yet sometime you don’t want to write about something not to reveal your feelings about it. The feeling is so pure and intact you keep it secret, you want it veiled, your heart wants to keep it sacred ...

What a morning :)

We watched another episode of The Soprano’s last night, like every other nights lately. Correction: M watched another episode of The Soprano’s last night, like every other nights lately, and I napped by his side. And later he recapped me quickly walking my sleepy head to the bedroom. Then this morning A was in the bed with us, one of his frequent raising nights that ends up in our Queen Size bed (A is growing, we need a King!). The smell of A’s skin is the sweetest smell in the whole world, and his early raising voice is the voice coming from the heavens. I have a big hug from him before leaving to work. On the short happy walk to my car I enjoy the sight of pink blossoms and the smell of blooming flowers and wet grass. Later, I am driving and listening to Shajarian: dele divaane am divaane tar shi. It reminds me of Afsi. I wanted to call her last night so I decide it is a good time to call using my hands free ear set. I get the answering machine. Is the baby arriving now? A smile covers my face just imagining that, and assuming a happily tired look in the new mom’s face and the desperately grateful look in the new dad’s face. I don’t know why but I think they are the kind of pair reacting the way I thought we did the day we were blessed with A. I am still driving and now turning to head the Mission Hills. My great goodness! There is snow on the hills, white and bright and inviting. Thank you God!

I park in the parking lot reciting the song to me in a whisper. I meet the always smiling janitor lady and greet her and encourage her to make a short drive down the highway to see the snow if she likes (Well, this is California we talk about, and pardon me my Toronto residing readers for such an excitement over such a tiny amount of snow you need to drive a little to spot but I still love snow!). I walk up the stairs and then into the building. There are red heart-shape balloons every where, well, not quite everywhere, not at my cubicle for instant, but at the technicians’ and admins’ cubicles. I guess I am happy with my red rose then! And of course, all these should be Mike Mc’s job! The sight is pretty, like walking into a heaven of working offices and cubicles. I can feel the excitement in people’s face and voice as they walk into the door. It is St Valentine’s birthday tomorrow, the messenger of love. However, there is love and the tiny miracles of life every where every day and moment. Happy life!


PS:
I planned to write in Nimshab today, and I almost wrote the scheme in my head. Then I am at work trying to open blogspot, and what do I know, the website is blocked by BSC because of its Social Networking and Personal Sites content. Funny! So my dear readers! No updates at work possible either, so when do I get a chance to update? We will see. For now I will write and save when the moment is right and then paste to my blog later at home, how about that?

PPS:
Now that I am posting the text, it is early evening and we know now that Nargol, Afsi and Reza's baby girl, was born last night. So happy for them! So wish I could be with them!!

somewhere over the rainbow

We were driving home with A in the car. It was raining. Obviously we could not go to the park because all of the playing structures were wet. So we tried to focus on the rain and suddenly the sky opened up very narrowly just in front of the orange late afternoon sun. I looked in the mirror and as predicted found A staring at the orange ball in the sky. I warned him not to for the health of his eyes and promised him a rainbow, I thought there should be a rainbow when it rained and there was the sun in the sky at the same time. A did not budge though; he was determined to look at the sun. I started looking around frantically in the range of my front view but could not spot any sign of a rainbow for the next seven or ten minutes of the ride; well of course I could not, because we were driving towards the sun and no way there could be rainbow in that direction! Then suddenly, after turning a bend, there was the rainbow. I signaled and stopped by the curb right away to make sure A saw the rainbow. His face was as colorful as the rainbow. And God! What a spectacular phenomenon the rainbow truly is!

a break

We are having a break from meetings and I am jumping to my blog sitting in the meeting room. Feels good, especially because I have a protective screen on my monintor and my neighbors wont know what I am typing.

We are watching The Sopranos. M just finished the last episode of the fifth season last night. I could not tolerate the violence again and I skept the last episode of this season. I liked the fourth season a lot I guess because the focus was the Soprano family. This fifth season was also interesting with new people getting introduced and new problems ...

I need a good English fiction. Any suggestion any one? The last book I read was "Runaway" by Alice Munro. Loved it.

Resuming the meeting ...

It has been a week of fanfare for me so far. Meetings after meetings and discussions after discussions. I feel I need a vacation already so I can rest away from all these and spend more time with my family. I have become the responsible for two major subjects in our project which is nice and scary at the same time. Great thing is that we have a great team work so every thing is going to be done after consultations and when a consensus is made.

I tuned my guitar again last night and played a few chords. I needed that, so soothing!

This morning the clouds were very beautiful. Early in the morning I was driving and the dawn sky was pink with purple lines of scattered clouds.

I am going to pick up Arman early today. I am going to just relax with him. By that I mean taking care of a shopping, taking care of a dinner (I am thinking of chicken baked in oven) and taking care of Arman. That is the new definition of relaxation! ;)

2008

I am guilty of writing so infrequently, and in English I know... Yet here I am, writing in my beloved blog.
I love the spirit these days. I came to work this morning finding a present from my new manager for the new year. It is a chocolate box with a small note. Some thing I would have never expected from him. And a card from a colleague. And a lunch gathering with a dozen other colleagues.
Tomorrow is going to be the last working day in 2008...
This is the year end and and yet I like the fact that this is a semi-end of the year for me. There is still months left of 1387.
Yalda night was memorable for me this year, Hafiz talked to us so nicely I feel the joy every time I remember our verse; Ours, my family's.
It is cloudy today... The other day, on the way to work, just when I turned a bend on a bridge to head north, there was a rainbow so pure and radiant you could feel God.
One thing I learnt: just to be, and to be grateful. Tough stuff I warn you, but so liberating, may be the ultimate destiny...
Happy Holidays!
Merry Christmas!
And Happy New Year!

there is beauty

calm
smile
ocean
nature
leaf
breeze
blue
kind
future
breathe
content
eyes
friendship
love
hour glass
orange
fragrance
shine
strong
beat
proud
God
truth
colors
walking
tender
present
...

پاییز

روز‌های آخر پاییز، برگ‌های صد رنگ، هوای ابری
یک حضور بارز در زمان هست

I have to!

I have to write, even if to write that I have to write.

My A has grown very affectionate and very moody. His mood swings from very happy to very angry in a blink of an eye. But he is mostly sweet and he talks like an angle with his head tilted and his black eyes looking into yours with a sincere love.

We walked with M yesterday morning. It was great just to walk in an autumnal breeze.

I got an A- in my 40% midterm and I just submitted another 40% assignment on Thursday, a few minutes before dead line. Some how it is very important for me.

Work is crazy and busy. No need to talk about it.

And life is passing. Since I started this piece of writing a few minutes have passed. And every thing else passes to. My birthday is approaching and it is amusing for my heart that I find my mind thinking about it, about my birthday, in a bitter sweet fashion this time for the first time. I know age is only a number, I believe so. Yet I admit that I have this superficial stereo type about age ranges too. I find myself in need to talk with other friends same age as mine, whose birthdays and a few months before or after mine. I need to call Daniela and talk to Pegah and Nafiseh may be. I think it is mainly because of my crazy ideas and sudden changes in direction. May be I am growing more cautious.

There is a wisdom in the world. I trust that being and his/her wisdom.

heaven and earth

This is this time of the year again: orange.
There is orange and gold and red every where, on the trees, on the brownish blue pond, on the green grass.
I love the calm cloudy mornings, and then the cool midday breezes. Fall is lovely, inviting for a hike in the middle of the woods and inhalation of all the autumnal smell in the air. Love the color, love the chill, love the smell, and love the life underneath the dead costume. Thank God for autumn!

costume

I made A's fist Halloween costume tonight. I practically brain stormed with myself inside Walmart in the middle of the isle that stocks handicraft accessories. There were foam cut figures, wooden pieces of pre-cut shapes, small clay statues, feathers, sticks, colorful cotton balls, foam balls, foam cones, ... and a few brands of glue. I really put my brain on the isle and here is my master piece:

Do I need to mention I am proud of it? A was with me during the work handing me the feathers. He can sort based on colors now which is lovely to watch. A looks fabulous in feathery black.
Oh, and my 40% assignment is due in two hours and nineteen minutes.

Au Revoir Houston

It is a cloudy day here in Houston, it should be hot and humid outside. The conference is almost over and I am so ready to get back home.
These past nights I called A every night to tell him his bedtime story and sing him his lullaby. The stories are on demand, the second night he asked for the khale bozi story. I changed the story a bit, in which the mother goat was actually going to a conference instead of going to collect food for her kids. I think he liked it, because except for the first night that he asked for Panirak story (which is about a little mouse who was not sure his mom loved him because she demanded him to be careful all the time), the rest of the nights he asked for khale bozi's story.
Time to check out. I am happy. Only worried about my assignment which is due midnight tonight. I have four hours in the plane to work on it though.

More updates

• I am completely sleepless and awfully tired
• Love the conference and cases
• Met old friends tonight, enjoyed being with them a lot
• A's voice is extremely sweet over the phone
• The body works museum: fabe'ayye aalaa'e rabbekomaa tokazzebaan
• Houston is very wide and flat
• Met a neurosurgeon who works at UHN in Toronto; encourages me to go back; brain drain
• Need to wake up at 6:20 am tomorrow
• It is 1:02 am today
• Revise: need to wake up at 6:20 am today
• Have missed my M awfully
• Chamomile tea does make me calm
• Ice cream makes me even calmer
• A cat walked on my lap tonight
• Good midnight!

A scattered mind in Houston TX

I arrived here last night. It is warm and slightly humid here, which is a nice contrast to the air conditioned conference rooms and cabs. I am here for the LINC conference, mainly focused on neurovascular diseases, case studies, and complications. So far I really liked the first day of the conference.
It is hard though being away from home, i.e. Iran or Canada. Honestly I feel much better and more comfortable in Canada. I know a lot more about the culture, and people are so kind and friendly and welcoming. I feel being tagged on a lot lately, being questioned if I know of a place or of a tradition, and half of the times I don't. It is strange.
Some times I think this is the time I got to be who I want to be. I always have new plans and I always think about sudden changes in direction. However, lately I keep reminding myself that this is all I have got. There is no future to look forward to for being another person. All is present.
One of the sudden changes that cross my mind once in a while is to stay home again, for a year or less, to be with Arman at this age. I am in a deep controversy actually. I am ambitious in my work, I know that, and I like my work. But I love spending more time with Arman too.
I guess my mind is scattered again! But there is a season for every thing. This season is for me to be in Houston, or didn't I choose to be here?

The Religon of Love

"Self-righteousness is a disease of religion". [Living presence by Kabir Edmund Helminski]
I am wondering. I am contemplating ...

Happy Eid

Happy Eid every one! It is a little nostalgic the first day after the fasting month, but there is a sense of accomplishment and God willing enlightenment with it which I adore.

I had my first meeting with my new manager today. I was going there and I had this betrayal feeling I had the day I went to a dentist who was neither of my parents. But by the end of the meeting I had a much better feeling. This new manager seems also like a very good mentor, and he knows what he is doing, direct to the point. I am glad and grateful we had this meeting.

There is this saying of "it is not personal, it is business" which I cannot digest. After all we are human beings and whatever we do is personal. The corporate, the business, is only a means through which we show our personality and hopefully grow to be a better person. I think believing in this slang is similar to believing in "it is ego, it is not morale".