Change

This is the season for change. Leaves to turn colors and fall, winter flowers to bloom, citrus trees to harvest, and rain to wash the roads for the new to come.

A birthday just around the corner.

And a new birth to hallmark the new chapter of our lives, enshala.

It's time to sit down for a change. To simply ponder on the miracle of life growing within me. To watch the cloudy sky and imagine the moist and rain drops. To go for a walk and get wet for a change. To sip on tea with friends, and nothing else, for a lazy afternoon full of presence. To read a book. To chat w the man of my life about nothing and everything.

Change is here. Let's change with it. 

Taking Refuge

I feel extremely tired. Physically and emotionally. I wish there was a refuge. I wish there was a book or website or place I could go and breathe a bit and come back anew. Alas.

I feel under pressure from many angles. Raising kids, managing sibling rivalry, practicing presence, letting go of work. Work.  It worries me. I'm concerned about my position. Will I need to fight back for my rights again? Oh so be it! Right?

Importance

I'm learning that one's reaction to her provoked reactions due to a certain event is a discovery. The reaction is to be observed and analyzed, cherished and accepted. The a reaction is the manifestation of what's really important in her view of the world.

I have felt at alert in the past week. I have felt a maternal unease in ensuring that my kids were fine and would be fine. Even though I know it's God who is the sustainer and not me.

I think this is a time of crisis. Everyone is revealing what they care about most. It's amusing to watch. 

A Few Days Ago

Dear America,

You disappointed me.

I left a home I loved and sought you in pursuit of better lives. I left the land of poetry and art, history and spirituality, four seasons natures. The land that had earlier in my life made a wrong turn, in my opinion.

I became Canadian because Canada was welcoming, it was high tech and orderly, it was nicer for the time being. But Canada had no suitable jobs for my husband and me. So with a 3 month old we emigrated once more.

I must say you were not welcoming. You kept us waiting in the secondary checking before boarding our plane to our destiny. We lost our flight. Our baby boy was tired. We were heartbroken.  Yet we came. We thought it was temporary. It was not the majority. We hoped may be it would get better.

And it did, somewhat. A few years later Obama made the country hopeful again. He seemed genuine, honest, and grounded. The secondary checking was released.

As soon as we settled, we labored and we paid taxes. We bought a house with our savings paying interest to your banks. We endured some racist behaviors even in this blue state of California. Yet we remained respectful, friendly, and neighborly. 

We raised our kids responsibly. Teaching them about the law and purity of the heart. Telling them they were no different being emigrants.  That the whole country was made of emigrants with a united dream of better lives for those who perseveres. We taught them to respect everyone including themselves. 

Then we watched you carefully in this recent election. We were first appalled at the candidates you chose. We were disappointed to realize once again that your democracy was really a dichotomy. We were disappointed that you decided to vote for a certain candidate, some for the first time, despite his positions about people and money. This is what you were waiting for?

My dear America!

You disappointed me tonight. I must say I am proudly Canadian, proudly Iranian, proud of our accomplishments and friendships we have made in the US. And tonight, I feel ashamed to have chosen you as home for my children when I have to tell them we emigrated here for better lives but don't take clues from the majority.