Determination

There are pictures of my teachers on the net. They have been posted there for a few months now and somehow I got to watch them tonight.
I look at her, my math teacher, her style, her eyes, her lips. She was always the symbol of self assurance to me. A person who knew who she was; she was who she wanted to be.
I look at them all. Some have grown much older than I remembered. They are happy though. All happy to be invited back to school I suppose. It was years ago, a decade ago that I was in that school. Studying to go to college, to dream about the future I have made myself today. Of course all along I had God directing me alhamdolellah!
I suddenly feel a deep agony to want to be back at school again. To wake up in the morning and go to school as if it was all that was to do in the world. To be with the friends I had to be with every day, for a whole year, for seven whole years!
This world is just a passing scene. Has always been, and will always be.
I think about her and her determination. Always and always. I would tell her when I meet here. I would tell her if I meet her, ever again.

"chaay e debsh"

She was on facebook when I logged in. So we chat and after quite a long time being away from each other I had a great time. Any time I remembered our conversation today I was smiling.
I know her for a long time now. I really got to know her in high school. Then she went to another city, later I left for another country. She is now living in yet another country. And I don't know when or if or where I will meet her again. It was great never the less to talk to her, just like before. And as she said, our friendship made for a great conversation to have over a real tea break.

She

I found A at preschool walking in his classroom with a blue "Hello Kitty" purse on his shoulder. I asked what that was to which he replied "it is my backpack". I said "it is a purse and it is for girls". He asked "but why?". I could not help but wonder how to respond to this question: Because it is the social norm??

Driving home A inquired about his "pretty moon". "Where can she be?" he asked. I could not help but smile at his imagination giving the moon a feminine personality.

After after all

After all, I have a M to fix me up, I have a sister S to call me, I have an A to sing to to sleep, I have a colleague to text me twice, I have a mom to leave me a message, I have a friend to buy me what I needed and bring it over, all before the night is over.
Here is to end the night at a high note ...

After all

After all, when there is a night of restless sleeping, there is no family to go to for comfort the next day.
After all, it is only you and me to talk to, about any thing and every thing, whether or not you want to listen.
After all, there is no home more suitable than yours, the one you =can always dine at impromptu.
After all, when something irritates you, you have to deal with it all by yourself. There is no one to take a break with, go shopping with, tell silly stories to laugh with, or just silently sit down and watch a movie with only to forget for a couple hours.
After all, we are immigrants here!

Hafiz

I got to translate Hafiz for two friends. A very odd experience. I loved it!

I am facing a great dilemma in my life, yet again. I keep bouncing between a calm and serene state to a whirlpool of thoughts and emotions. I am calm thinking of Shaikh Kabir and Molana (Mevlana), to surrender, to stay present with my heart, let go, and float. I am totally evil though thinking about my red coworker.

Speaking of red: Gene gave us a self assessment test once in the class in which it divided people in three different categories: Red, Blue, Green. It turned out I was red: a take charge wanting to lead person. His main advise to the whole class: if you are a manager and have two reds in your team make sure to clearly define their territories or you will have constant battle in your team. It seems a common management knowledge and I am surprised how managers do not know it! I have a red coworker who is in my hair almost every day. And I have decided to choose my battles and not let go of what I think I want to win, at least to a good extent. This is the devil in me speaking!

I drove an orange Challenger today, with a manual transmission!! I enjoyed it so much! I did not kill the engine even once even though I had not driven a gear shift for more than 10 years now. I accelerated fast enough to get to the fifth gear, and did I mention I was wearing orange, just for the occasion ;) MH is going to let me drive his car again. I so look forward to it.

We had a couple earthquakes that were felt in the course of the past two days. I am not sure what is going on underneath but I pray to God to take care of my A and M in any stronger event as such. It is scary to think about being away from them at these moments.

I took A to his pediatrician for his regular flu shot today. We debated the subject a lot with M and finally gave in to the idea. A was such a brave boy! He got a yellow lollipop and a strawberry Jumba Juice, his favorite treat. I had left work for the matter so I got online in a coffee shop to check my e-mails while A was enjoying his Jumba Juice and I was sipping on my latte. It made us a neat Friday afternoon. I was home at 4:30 which was yet again a long lost experience. Isn't it exciting that I loved to study our preclinical plan in my spare time waiting for the nurse to call A though? I am grateful for such a job I am so passionate about. No wonder my red colleague brings up the devil in me!

A's favorite book at the moment: "Dr Seuss's Green Eggs and Ham". He has it memorized. And he is intrigued with the idea that I used the phrases in the book to encourage him try a new food. He uses that back at me now.

I am going to Santa Cruz again tomorrow night enshaalaa. And I am taking a couple friends with me this time: EE and MGAP. I don't know why but I feel proud. There are a couple nice souls there in our Circle who want to learn to read Persian. That is also exciting.

acting

I was singing an old song for A while acting the verbs for him. The song was about the benefits of taking showers and safety issues related to being in the bath tub. He giggled and laughed at my acts the way he used to do when he was a baby. And exactly like that era when the song was over he demanded: "again - again".

2010

I wish you a very beautiful 2010!

I wish for a year filled with peace and health and justice and compassionate for the whole world!

The holidays are coming to an end. Strangely I have the feeling of end of summer, or end of eid holidays, when I had to get prepared to go to school again. A rather somber feeling I did not expect myself to experience again. The good news is that there are still two more days left before the whole new working year begins. And I am resolute to make my career advancement happen this year.

I wrote a few of my resolutions for the year to come on Wednesday afternoon, lying on a hotel bed in Santa Barbara; some thing I do every year. The next day, playing with A by a beautiful fountain in down town I got interviewed for my resolutions. I shared a few and today I found them along with my name in Santa Barbara News Press 01 JAN 10! It is a strange feeling being published, especially when it was all impromptu.

It was nice being away for the new year. Although A slept about four hours before the new year and we spent those hours in the hotel. A has grown much wiser. He talks very politely lately, at least most of the time. He has grown much taller too. He reads newer books now, so sweetly. And he talks with his toys so amusingly.

I hope to get to visit my whole family this year!

HAPPY 2010!