Welcome Home Mommy

I came home late from a long day at work to find my M feeding my little m.  As soon as my little angel heard me she started laughing and pumping her fist and kicking her leg while laying in her rocker.  She obviously was very excited and happy even to have heard my voice. When I picked her up she started "talking" by making very sweet noises and sometimes squeaking excitedly.  She contently stayed with me while I carried her around and even as I ate my dinner.  I was telling M about my day and she made noises in response.  She was very sweet and even though I missed her and I felt bad knowing that she had missed me too it was one of the best mommy moments in my life!

Christmas Hanukkah Yalda

Since Christmas coincides nicely with the longest night of the year that we celebrate as Yalda we decided to give Yalda cards for the holidays this year and hopefully for the years to come.

I have realized that Hanukkah is being advertised and celebrated more publicly these days. I think it rhymes very nicely with the festivities of the Christmas Holidays. At around the same time we Iranians celebrate Yalda, the winter solstice, the longest night of the year. We celebrate the light conquering the darkness. We recognize that even though till then the length of night was increasing, from then on the length of the day increases and spring is in sight. We cherish how darkness, even though trying, can never prevail. We celebrate the hope and beauty of light.

It is as if we are keeping all these meanings and celebrations to ourselves. It is indeed a Persian celebration but how nicely it alludes into the spirit of Christmas and Hanukkah.  Yalda is more ancient than them both and  I think Yalda can very well be recognized more widely.  How about giving away Yalda cards for the holidays?

Imagine a card with the pictures of pomegranate and Hafez and Shahnameh poetry books and nuts in the middle of red and green cards of Santa Claus and blue and white cards with Menorah.  It will be festive, peaceful, united, and global. It will be understanding and accepting. It will expand horizons and exude friendship.
I wish you all happy holidays in advance!
 

http://www.iranreview.org/content/Documents/Celebrating_Yalda_2.htm

Add http://live.longhill.org.uk/?p=7193

http://www.localnomad.com/en/blog/2012/12/05/why-decorate-the-christmas-tree/

Missing Me when Missing You

I miss you and I miss me through you.  I miss how you look at me because I miss how I look to you.  I miss how you make me feel. I miss how you make me talk. I miss how you make me feel heard.

I miss being with you.  Perhaps I miss being me.

People are not Always Listened To

We were blessed with rain yesterday. It rained well into the night.  It was lively and refreshing. Particularly after the hazy grey day we had the day before as if dust had covered the horizon. I can imagine the fresh morning of tomorrow.

It amazes me how people of sunny California express dislike toward rain, even hate sometime. It amazes me how ignorant they can be toward the fact that we need the water if assuming that is the only benefit. People believe that they are entitled to have sunny days in California. They don't care about rain; they know somehow from somewhere water will flow from faucets even though we get drought warning almost every summer.

Thank God for the rain! Thank God for the compassionate sky which like it or not will send rain drops to the thirsty ground so humans can drink and refresh. Thank God that people are not always listened to.

Mommy and Son Artwork on A Saturday

We had a nice mommy and sunny son time this evening: playing with doughs. A got a set of four clays in the birthday party he attended earlier today and made a plane and a car with them. The next things he made were some snails which were racing each other. At this point all the four clays were mixed into one giant ball. I remember we used to combine the play doughs too, making a huge mixed-color ball.  A invited me to make a snake with him and join the race but I made still life instead.  He was impressed.

He got inspired at this point and made a solar system! Such an artist I have as a son!

Now. Let's have some tea!

Just Get up and Move

Perhaps the most important step toward any goal is to take a step.  Status quo may be safer, may be most familiar and most convenient; But it is status quo. If you are already at your destination then feel free to stay put. If not, shake it up. Get up and take a step or two. Staying is at odds with anticipation of new achievements.

There are risks to be taken. There are hurdles to be conquered.  There are muscles to be built. There are lessons to be learned. There are paths to be changed, modified.

Finally, there are goals to be achieved. Take the step now.

Life is Complete the Way It Is

My cousin who has just come back from Iran called today "while still smelling like Iran". He said he had a great time taking care of his aging parents and visiting family. Now that he was back he found things were too orderly here it was boring to him. In Tehran, he noted, the days were alive with people talking to, arguing with, and even shouting at each other because they were noticing things and each other. Never a dull moment while traveling in the huge city taking care of the daily chores he said. Of course being with family was all full of energy.

I know what he is talking about. Life is easy here. Thank God for a paying job. Things are indeed too orderly here, the walks, the drives, the shopping, the never talking people, it can be boring.

He joked that we were expelled to exile.

I told him I thought about this sometimes, about what was gained now that I was here and what was lost.

"Life is complete as is", my cousin claimed. One should believe in it. It is complete as is when driving in the traffics of Tehran or spending a lonely Sunday afternoon thinking about your scattered friends around the world in San Jose. Life is complete when at 9pm your son has not finished his homework after a long weekend. Life is complete when you spend the whole day on solving a problem and by the end of the day you are not even one step closer to the solution, or so it feels. Life is complete when you get to chat with a friend from Australia after more than a decade. Life is complete even when it feels lonely, boring, incomplete. Life is complete.

Hiking in Castle Rock State Park

This was m's first mountainous hike.  She seemed to have a good time, looking around and humming with herself while being carried by daddy.

The hike was medium in difficulty. There were climbing boulders involved that were manageable for A but worrisome at times with M carrying m.

Apparently the park is famous for its rocks and there were quite a few rock climbers participating in the adventure.

We had the pleasure of friends' company. It was a great hike, slightly challenging at times in a fabulous fall weather.

Betraying Love

Difficult is the recognition
If someone believes in you or betraying you is their mission
Realize that there has never been a betrayal
But a mismatch of expectation
It might hurt to hear what was kept hidden
Yet, it leads to liberation
There is an inner most private place that allows reflection
The instinct for contemplation
In friendship, close your eyes
In love, caution

I do not Belong Here

It is a Halloween night.  I am staying home with a headache and a bitter taste in my mouth. I cannot wash it with however many candies I eat.  I eat nothing. I decide to do nothing too. Perhaps tomorrow is a new day with a fresh taste. It is only 7PM and a long time till the next day.  I have to kill the time. I think of watching a movie instead.  A break. A time away from all the thoughts and all the feelings. I blindly follow the recommendation on Netflix: Safe Haven. I have read the book a couple years ago. One of those airport-bought books to read at the airport and to recycle at the airport too.  She flees away from her house; she stops at a small town and soon settles there. She falls in love and she finds what she was looking for. She finds what she deserves. She finds where she belongs. That's where the movie ends. That's where my next day begins.

An Inspiration from the Past

A haiku:

Rocks and mortar standing tall

Castle walls protecting all

Boundless imaginations

The Joys of A Parent Who Makes Business Trips

When I Feel Defeated

"So many times it happens too fast

You trade your passion for glory

Don't lose your grip on the dreams of the past

You must fight just to keep them alive"

Deciding

I think I love to sit here by the fire; yet I love to put on a cozy jacket and head out to walk in the rising autumnal fog right now.

The high branches of the not so far trees suddenly look mysterious and majestic in the deep fog. Inviting for exploration, contemplation, meditation.

I put on a jacket on top of my robe and 

sit in the patio instead. It is rare for me to find such moment of peace at home. Everyone is still asleep. Surprisingly even my sunny son.  Perhaps because it is still hazy thanks to the fog.

Sipping on my (instant) coffee thinking. Deciding perhaps.

What I want to read first?

Chekhov or Maximum Influence?

Work on my short story or write in my blog?

I am just typing silently on my iPhone. The nature is ignoring me. I hear the hummingbird flapping, the robin's claws on the fence walking.  The blue jay pecking on mulch.  All these other birds I don't know chirping. Oh I just heard a rooster. And a dog barking. Gosh it is marvelous!

I feel compelled to make some decisions.

Whom do I want to be?

What do I want to do?

How do I define me?

What do I want to see when I look back in twenty years?

I need my diary.

Sunglasses - A Short Story

She paused in her late morning hour to observe her day for a moment. She thought it was a busy day like most other busy days.  The main difference was that today she was going to meet him.  Noon hour was the agreed upon time.
She had originally proposed to meet a couple weeks ago but he declined and eventually rescheduled for today.  she had forgotten about what she wanted to tell him.  Whatever it was, it seemed unimportant now. But there was other things concerning her mind that she thought to share. But may be these would also deem unimportant in a few weeks.

While packing up her bag she received a text from him to meet in the patio of the cafe instead.  She sent a short response in agreement.  Then grabbed the sunblock and started applying it while walking to the door. At the exit door she realized she had forgotten to pack her sunglasses. She paused for a moment. She was already late. But he wanted to meet in the patio now and it was indeed a sunny day. She decided having a more comfortable lunch on the patio would perhaps increase the quality of their meeting, even if it was shortened by a few minutes.  Comfortable, however, was an ambitious wish for the meeting.

When she got there he was already sitting at a table. There was little patches if shade on the table provided by a neighboring tree.  He had hunched over his bowl of salad and some sort of meat. Healthy, she thought.

She approached the table from his left and casually apologized for her tardiness. He announced that it was a breezy day. It was indeed. She was enjoying feeling the wind in her hair now and thought why  he cared considering his short hair and long sleeve shirt.  She refrained from asking him.

She sat down with her dishes and started munching. She could hardly remember what possessed her to want to meet with him. To catch up yes. But that would take only a few minutes of sharing how she was and how her family was and how he was and how his family was.

He was finishing his salad. She was still playing around, finding small reasons to say something avoiding the eminent awkward silence awaiting their meeting.

She glanced at his wrist watch. Almost half an hour was remaining. She felt relieved knowing that she still had time yet anxious how to find the words to fill that time.

She couldn't read him. He looked calm, indifferent even.  The sun was on his face now and he made a shift in his sitting position. She was afraid to lose the moment. She was almost done with her meal.  Almost time to leave. May be it was best to leave now rather than starting the talk. What if she didn't tell him? Then he would find the meeting very boring perhaps. A waste of time. But what if she told him and later when she thought about it she realized that she exposed herself too much in her talk? She tend to do that.  After all the subject seemed utmost important now. How could she possibly prevent damage from this meeting?

Suddenly the moment arrived. It got triggered by his question. The question landed on her like an unexpected patch of shade. So she started telling him. All she could manage saying. She was not sure when to pause or if she should pause or if she wanted to pause. She wondered if she was crossing the line of confidence. At times she found her voice trembling ever so slightly. Her eyes welled with tears a couple times but she tried hard to sound professional and poised. But eyes. They can never betray.

She told him at last. Done.

He stood up to leave. She followed.  The meeting was officially over. Nothing more to say. Back to the usual life.

She started back trying to walk tall. Good that she was wearing her sunglasses.

Life Passing

Once upon a time there was a man who no longer is.

Change Oppotunity Growth

Once in a while I feel restless.  I feel unsettled in my skin.
Once in a while I find the "usual" boring, too little, even unacceptable.
Once in a while I need a little big change.
Some things are changing.  Some things have changed already. Now it is time for me to change too.
Perhaps I am just going through another growing pain.

The Secret About Influence for An Immigrant

I have been reading a couple books on the subject of influence and unexpectedly I have made an amazing discovery: to be influential may be totally counterintuitive in different cultures. I see that particularly true for Persians living in the America.

Below are the specific examples I have found fascinating.
 

1) What may be considered being influential in the US, may be considered being nosy and even rude in Iran: asking people to tell you about their personal lives.

In The Art of Influence, there is a story about a bariesta that comes home with more tips in her pocket after a couple weeks of working at a cafe.  When inquired why, she claims that she had figured people out.  That people loved talking about themselves and one must just ask.  She explained that she asked the customers where they worked, how long their commute was, if they were married and had kids.
Well, ask the same string of questions in Iran and you either don't get any answer or get a question in response: why do you ask?
It is nosy and rude to ask people about their lives.  It is hard to trust one with that sort of information.
Amazing contrast!
 

2) What may be considered a commitment in the US, can be completely meaningless for an Iranian: asking people to provide a positive review on a product.

In the subject of dissonance and how it can be used to make commitment, I was thinking that it may not work in Iran. Iranians usually will tell people what they want to hear, not what is real in their hearts. They even offer it without you asking.  They complement you and your product even if they don't mean it.  It is called 'taarof'. Neither the customer nor the owner necessarily believe the complement.  It is just being "polite" and "nice".  So, I think endorsing a specific brand when asked by the owner doesn't necessarily generate commitment to support the brand in Iran, while it is more likely to do so in the US, especially when performed in written form.

PS: here are the books I read:

1) The Art of Influence by Chris Widener

2) Maximum Influence by Kurt W Mortensen

My m at 3.5 Months

My little m ahs and coos.  When she starts "talking", I talk back and sometimes try to immitate her.  Lately, when I try to make the noises she makes, she laughs at me!  I think she thinks to herself, what a silly mom!
She is still very "pushy" with her legs.  Maashaalaa she has really strong legs, when she starts kicking, one better duck.  She rolls now, and she pulls herself up to her midback craining her neck.
She still adores A.  Follows him around the room, even quiets down if she is crying.
She has started waking up too frequently in the middle of the night again and not going back to sleep.  I am sleeping even less and amazingly I feel completely numb to it.
When A was this age I used to read to him.  But I have not starting doing so with m yet and I am not happy with it.  It needs to be fixed!
She doesn't like sitting in her stroller.  She much preferred being carried in a baby carrier, facing out and watching the world.  I take daily/nightly walks with her and as she is growing bigger and heavier, the weight on my back is becoming harder to bear.  I feel I am losing hight under the weight!...

The Fall

The golden leaves of A's favorit tree are falling.

There is this huge tree in the front yard; I am not sure how old it is, but it surely has been here before many of the houses in the neighborhood.  A could watch it every morning from the window of his first room.  He once told me lovingly that it was his favorit tree in the whole world.  I told him it was mine too.  I suppose it was.  I am not sure if I called any tree my favorit in the past.

Its leaves have turned golden now.  They easily fall these days with any breeze.  Some fall slowly, taking turns and swirl before their final descent.  Some turn around themselves.  Some drop straight down.  But one thing is similar in every one of them: today, it is sad to watch them fall.