Emigrants-Americans-Emigrants

This America is an amazing country!
We are in Midtown New York, New York.
Today we visited Ellis Island again after a decade. It has been a major entry point for emigrants between 1892 and 1924. They have made a museum out of the emigration office of a century ago.
It was very touching for me watching the pictures and reading the highlights of that process in that era. At the entrance level a big poster caught my eyes:
"Each of their [emigrants] stories is unique and bears witness to their courage and determination that enables men and women to leave their homes and seek new opportunities in an unknown land." I could relate to that remotely. Then all the pictures hunt me; the fear and hope in the eyes in those pictures, their costume, their baggages, the narrated stories ... it all touched me deeply.
I've been thinking, they came by boats, I came by a plane; they carried all their worthly and portable belongings in a few suitcase, so did I; they possibly never went back home, I did several time; they got through medical exams and emigration documents at the port, I went through medical exams and background checking while still at home... I was amazed how similar the stories are after a century. I'm not sure how they felt when they arrived; and it is undescribeable but I feel more alienated eventhough I'm more educated and more affluent compared to most of that wave of emigrants. I cannot stop but wonder, is this only a matter of race?...
I have have lots of respect for the earlier emigrants because I think their unknown was more unknown than mine so their courage is highlighted more strongly.
I like this land!

Forbidden Line

SDS: "... may be you are starting to realize that the only forbidden lines that exist are those you create yourself.  The lines impressed on us by other people, societies, or cultures are inaccurate. You are crossing YOUR boundaries and it is challenging your previous conception of who you are!  Isn't it exhilarating?"

A :)

A: "mom! you are the bestest mom in the whole world!"

The Lake

At sunset she arrived at the silent lake. It was all sound and color just a few hours before when the tourists had spread along the shore. Now there was no body around, nothing except the geese, the sand, the water, and the still snow capped mountains surrounding the water. In the sky there was the evidence of a previously present sun with the purple colors on the east and bright orange clouds on the west.
Looking at the orange sky, suddenly the reality of "presence" dawned at her. Then a strong longing surfaced in her heart. She was all alone in the presence of the reality. She started to pray.

Romance

For a real smile, sometimes all you need is a memory.

Oscar Preview in the News

I like movie recommendations.  Here is one way to get some:

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/awards/2011/06/oscars-preview-15-front-runners-for-best-picture.html

Quotes Just Because

My body was feeling sick in the past couple of days.  So I took it easy and stayed in bed, a lot.  While in bed I read a book, StrengthsFinder 2.0 (what a funny name for a book!) and also watched a movie, again, The Curious Case of Benjamin Buttons.  It has a great fictitious story; what a curious mind should this Eric Roth have who wrote the screen play!

Any way, as bizarre as it may sound, the book I read finds your strengths.  One of the strengths found for me was Communication, it described that people with Communication strength wanted to talk and write.  Hmm?  Suspicious no?  And one of the recommendations for me to strengthen this strength even further, was to collect quotations. I already was doing that!  This book was really creepy! In fact, on the iPhone I carry I have a Note section with quotations!!

Now, this movie has a lot of quotations to note.  I started writing the quotes at the point when Benjamin is in Russia and residing in a hotel where at a sleepless night he meets this woman, Elizabeth Abbott; and finally in a conversation about how they feel younger being with each other she says she wished she was younger: "So many things I'd change.  I'd undo all my mistakes"

Benjamin: "What mistakes?"

- " I kept waiting, you know? Thinking that I'd do something to change my circumstances.

Do something.

Such an awful waste.  You never get it back.  Wasted time."

And more quotes:

"Our lives are defined by opportunities.  Even the ones we miss."  Love it!

"None of us is perfect forever"  In case you were wondering ;)

"For whatever it is worth it is never too late, or in my case too early, to be whoever you want to be" ... well, I don't think it was too early for him either.  His body was getting younger but he was growing old any way.  The point however, is to be whoever you want to be.

"I hope you live a life you are proud of.  And if you find that you are not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again."

Cheers to a non-stuffed nose ... and to whomever we are ... and to our strengths ... and to our weaknesses too ... And to life, which "can only be understood backward.  It must be lived forward."

Whale Allergy

A: Daddy, I am allergic to whales
M: !!  Really?  How do you know?
A: Once I was swimming, and there was a whale, and the whale started spouting, and its water entered my mouth, and I started coughing...
M: Was it in your dream?
A: Oh yeah! It was in my dream!

Wanna Walk These Old Love-Filled Streets...

The 5th

Well, if I say I hardly believe he is 5 it not only sounds too cliche but also is not true.  I know he is 5, and I love it.  And he seems to enjoy his days too!  He had a family and friend party last weekend and then a school party.

We picked him up early from school today and I told him he could ask for any thing he liked and we would make that happen.  He wished for Cold Stone ice cream first, so we headed to Down Town Los Gatos; then he requested Main Street Burger, then he wanted to feed the pigeons in the park, and right then he wished to go home!  I was thinking if it was my day, I wanted to walk the down town, possibly go to Sur le Table and buy some fun kitchen stuff, then sit in a coffee shop and watch people come and go and possibly chat with a couple chatty ones, and finally, I would like to have a delicious steak in a great restaurant at a table filled with laughing friends and family.  But my sunny son wanted to go home.  So home it was.

On the way back he asked to go through a car wash.  I thought that was a fun birthday wish, so car wash it was.

At home he wanted to play Monopoly; then to read a book, and finally made a shuttle with his Lego's with daddy.  Watching a couple kids programs were the last wish.

I have a lot to wish for him, I summarize it in wishing him a Happy Healthy Birthday and Many Many More!

Dying Happy

"It's a new world

It's a new start

It's alive with the beating of young hearts

It's a new day

It's a new plan

I've been waiting for you

Here I am"

"Take Me Away"

I open the door to leave.  A bird flies away frantically, small wood sticks drop in front of my foot.  A bird nest is broken.
I walk to the car and turn back, look at the white and blue house, the old-fashioned carpenteries atop the window.  I like this old-fashion house.
I get in the car and close the door.  Sitting in, I look into the rear view mirror; the whole street behind me is stationary; in front of me the sun is rising from behind the buildings.  All is still quite.  And I am leaving the house.
I picture my A, my sunny son, breathing sweetly in his dream, calm, his face is all wide, his long black eyelashes protecting his eyes so nurturingly.
And I am leaving the house.
I think about calling my brother. I propose to me calling Sh.K.  She had been thinking about calling me yesterday but thought I was at work, she emailed me instead.  Pass.  Radio on.  Radio off.  Take the iPad out, leave it there.
I find that I have been driving for a long time, more than half of my usual morning rides, and I don't remember it all.  Auto pilot.
Radio on:

"Take me away, a secret place

A sweet escape, take me away

Take me away to better days

Take me away, a hiding place

There's a place that I go that nobody knows

Where the rivers flow and I call it home

And there's no more lies in the darkness there's light

And nobody cries, there's only butterflies"

Montana de Oro

After more than three hours of driving with an almost 5-year-old A and a thousand questions of "are we there yet?" we got to the camp ground 3E in Montana de Oro, a few miles south of Los Osos.  In the camp side instruction which was given to us upon check in it read that the car stop was down a hill at top of which was the camping location which made M sigh. It read that it was a few hundred yards of steep walk to the site. So we parked as instructed, each grabbed a piece of camping equipments, and headed up hills.

A few feet on the steep walkway we got greeted by a huge and grumpy lizard. "Hey Mr Lizard" we said, but he didn't say any thing back. So we continued walking when we bumped into a half a dozen college kids walking down with a dog. They said it had a nice view up there; that was encouraging.

Walking up hills usually makes me look down, don't exactly know why but it's more difficult to keep my head high. Suddenly, I sensed a familiar sent. Eucalyptus. I looked up and yes, it was a short but dense eucalyptus grove we were walking through. I love that smell; reminds me of my mother, so I smiled cheerfully. A kept complaining about the long and steep walk but he tried to be a good player. Closer to the top we got when we spotted a small hut, our very private pit toilet equipped with an all wind-powered ventilation system.

Short walk after that the hill got flat exposing our penthouse campsite, complete with three eucalyptus trees, a picnic bench, and a small cabinet attached to the bench. For sure there was no bear in Los Osos otherwise food cabinets were not practical.

We set up the tent and made another round to the car and back. On the way back we got greeted by a black beetle. "Hello Mr Beetle" we said, "hello humans" he responded.

M and A prepared the bedroom while I organized the kitchen.

Then we head off for a hilly oceanic hike.  A had a blast at the beach, playing with the waves running away from the cheerfully.

An hour before sunset we made it back to our ocean view site, set up the camping stove, made dinner, and had it all while watching the ocean.  Then at sun set we sat down watching the Sun going down the horizon.  M had already built up too fires on which we BBQ-ed hot dogs and marshmallows.

It was a breezy night, complete with the sound of ocean and spooky sound of eucalyptus trees shedding skins.  I was practically awake for the majority of the night time checking on M and A makign sure they were not cold.  In the morning, I had a mild cold.

It was too early to say goodbye to such a beautiful campsite but alas we had to head back.  We stopped at the Spooner beach again and relaxed for a couple hours.  It was just awesome being in the SLO vicinity, brought back so many good memories of our first visit to Northern California.

And the campsite, totally recommended.  Especially the 3E spot!

Convolution

All at once it seems all is getting fussy.  May be it has been always fussy and what is happening is actually clarifying the fussiness.

I am trying to be less ego driven, I am trying to be aware of my ego and people's ego and societies' ego and religious group's ego and nation's ego.  But in the end, I am responding to them all.  I am living their rights and wrongs.  I feel buried, unrealized, unsatisfied, untrue.

I am told I write vaguely, that I have lots to say but I do not say it after all.  Now I am trying to write.  Just saying.

Toronto Trip

It is Monday morning and we are all flying back to San Francisco. This time I made it here with both M and A; it was such a positively different trip. It was calming to get to the hotel from a full day of work in a different city and rejoin my family.


The trip was initiated in the business mode. We worked both on Wednesday and Thursday meeting our valued customers in the familiar city of Toronto and also in London, ON. It was nice to travel on 401 again all the way west and get to go to London. It was actually noticeable how there were many white and blond people in Toronto, relatively more so of California we thought.

I was working with my colleague B.O. who is our territory manager in Ontario. I liked her very much actually. She had a very interesting perspective of life and herself, very intriguing personality to me actually.

We got to a mellower mode on Friday and totally on vacation mode over the weekend visiting a few old friends. It was really nice and happy to be with them again. Most of the couples now had young kids. They all seemed to me more mature, calmer may be, more settled even, possibly more focused. I saw them all as they were years before, not much changed, more or less the same vibes as they used to have except with modified and moderated intensity. Just a quick observation.

Meeting their new kids was endearing and thought provoking to me. I knew their parents but not them. In the very short time I had with them they seemed different from their parents yet resembled them.

It snowed at the very last night. We were particularly excited because A got to see snow as he was eagerly anticipating that. It was too late at night for him to make a snow man but he got to write his name on the fresh snow with his finger. He showed his frozen finger to me post carrying a tiny ball of snow melting on his finger tip.

All in all it was wonderful to be back, meet our old friends in the new year, and this time with my family too!

Spring

It was getting light outside, she could tell by the sliver of light sneaking into the room from between the narrow opening of shut curtains.  Another day had begun.
She thought about her dreams. None to remember.
What a calming gift is sleeping! All she needed was to feel safe again, to feel wanted, to feel warm, to feel trusted. Sleeping was granting all that...
There were birds flying low in the backyard, chirping merely despite the rain. It is spring.
Suddenly it was not raining any more. A new birth was awaiting the Earth!

Haft Seen at Pepper Tree School of Los Gatos

That's what we did this morning, M and I.  We took our haft seen to A's school today and got the kids introduced to the items on the table.  Then gave them each a colored paper with "Happy Nowruz" on it and asked them to choose an item on the table and draw it.  Most of the chose t draw the goldfish or the apple.  A was acting more like a presenter and didn't want to participate in the activity.  He did not seem as excited as he did last year when we took a haft seen to his school.  I think he is growing up...

Just Because I am Missing A Much Lately

I guess I am missing me too....

She was staring out that window, of that SUV

Complaining, saying I can't wait to turn 18

She said I'll make my own money, and I'll make my own rules

Mamma put the car in park out there in front of the school

Then she kissed her head and said I was just like you

You're gonna miss this

You're gonna want this back

You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast

These are some good times

So take a good look around

You may not know it now

But you're gonna miss this

Before she knows it she's a brand new bride

In a one-bedroom apartment, and her daddy stops by
He tells her It's a nice place

She says It'll do for now

Starts talking about babies and buying a house

Daddy shakes his head and says Baby just slow down

'Cause You're gonna miss this

You're gonna want this back

You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast

These are some good times

So take a good look around

You may not know it now

But you're gonna miss this

Five years later there's a plumber workin' on the water heater

Dog's barkin', phone's ringin'

One kid's cryin', one kid's screamin'

She keeps apologizin'

He says they don't bother me

I've got 2 babies of my own

One's 36, one's 23

Huh, it's hard to believe

But you're gonna miss this

You're gonna want this back

You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast

These are some good times

So take a good look around

You may not know it now

But you're gonna miss this

You're gonna miss this

Yeah, you're gonna miss this

Nowrouz

Here comes the first day of Spring, the first day of Farvardin, the first day of Nowrouz of 1390 or 2559 or any other calender you want to go with .
I wish I could wish for love and peace and health and prosperity for the world.  Is it too awful not to be able to wish so on the very first day of the Nowrouz knowing every thing that is going on around you and in the world?
Yes!  It is too awful!
So, I wish you and your family and your loved ones and every one who loves you to have a wonderful Spring and New Year!  I wish for love and peace and health and prosperity in the world!
Happy Nowrouz!

Reality Denied

It was a busy day albeit relatively relaxing. In the morning the three of us were working in the backyard, M was planting flowers, I was planting herbs, and A was trying to help us both. He had his play practice for which both M and I stayed with him which made him feel very happy and supported, hugged us both in the intermission sweetly. At home we played different games and I enjoyed playing tag with him the most; also tuned the guitar and got him play with me, which was not really playing but making harsh strums on the strings. Eventually daddy gave him a quick bath and I was summoned to put him to bed. Three books we decided to read, the third one I picked up. The book is originally in German, then translated to Persian, translated name of which to English is "the tales of me and my dad". Laying by his side we read the first two books which were short. We decided to read a chapter of the third book each night.  In the first chapter, two pages long with a couple small pictures, "me" explains how his mom passed away when he was very young and his mom used to tell him stories and after her passing his dad, to make him happy again, started to tell him stories pictures of which he drew and the book was the collection of those pictures and the stories. Then I turned the page when A protested that it was chapter two. I concluded he was done with the book so I suggested I would sing his lullaby. He suddenly said "you and daddy will never go to the sky" which is the metaphor for dying in his language. He was obviously disturbed by the explanation "me" had at the beginning of the chapter. I said without hesitation "I will never leave you" and started singing his lullaby. He turned his back to me and soon his breathing got deeper so I knew he was asleep. I found my tears dropping down the side of my face on his pillow. I hope to stay with him for a long time but truth is that that "never" was like denying the reality of life.